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July 23, 2017

President attacks "Illegal Leaks" and a cheese shop has opened in the smallest town in Ireland

President Twitter attacks

Donald Trump has launched another Twitter attack. He’s attacking so much on Twitter, soon there’s gonna be a soldier walking around with him holding an iphone like it’s the nuclear football.

Anyway, he launched another Twitter attack giving out about “illegal leaks” in his administration. Where as we all know the only type of leaks he likes come from Russian Prostitutes…allegedly!

“Pardoning Powers”

More news from the White House, The President is apparently looking into using Pardoning Powers for himself if the FBI investigation continues diving into his finances.

This follows his failed attempt to make Robert Muller disappear using “Magical Powers”

Cheese Shop

A shop has opened in Ennistymon that only sells cheese and coffee. I wasn’t aware that the penchant for cheese in a town of 5000 people was so high, or maybe it isn’t. I mean it would certainly fit with the phrase: “Cheese Shop Name: I give it 6 months”.

In all seriousness, it’s great to see business in Ireland doing so well and lets hope “Cheese” can get as big a tax break as Apple.

Open-air Public bath

Clontarf will be re-opening a refurnished open-air public bath. Reports say it should be ready for guests by mid September, so be sure to get down quick to tryout the brand new water-based amusement: Pneumonia.

They say that the water you’ll be swimming in will be sea water from Dublin Bay. So you don’t even need to apologize if your kid poos in the pool cause it’ll be filled with shit already.

Will Smith Star Wars

Will Smith has said Star Wars was better than sex for him.

He always did prefer giving himself a Han Solo in his Pursuit of Happiness. Princess Leia to please his Hancock, all 7 pounds of it, that’s pretty big, give you a concussion, he really is Legend.