June 18th, 2011
I received an email a few days ago from redacted resident life about some damage reports for my (and my ex-roommates) room. I opened the email with the expectation that I may have forgotten to sweep up a dust mite or forgot to remove the dead body from above the bathroom tiles. (thankfully, I suppose, I did indeed remove said dead body, otherwise you all would have found it and I would have been arrested, but I digress.) Imagine my surprise when I opened the email to find I had been charged an exorbitant amount of money for some honestly paltry details, and while I can't appeal the stuff, I CAN ask you to review everything (Isn't that the same thing?).
First of all, the sticker was vinyl, causing an easy to remove solution for whomever was tasked with the job of inspecting our room. But I do suggest instead of charging me an exhorbitant amount of money (37 dollars), you should instead charge redacted Radio, mainly because they were the ones to give me the sticker in the first place, but partly because they never emailed me back about a DJing job for the station (apparently todays musical tastes don't include polka and swedish classical music rap.)
I'll admit, there WAS a stool missing, but rather charge me 85 dollars for a new one, allow me to just go back to one of the many halls and grab a new one (someone needs to knock redacted Hall down a peg or two, stupid fashion majors).
I also seem to have beeen charged for a cable fixture, and I do believe fixture is an incorrect term for such a device, especially one that was sloppily painted over. If it can be removed it's not really 'fixed.' Also, by removing it from the wall and turning the cable insert (a much better name if you ask me) around 180 degrees you'll find it'll actually work, allowing students in that room the ability to watch all their favorite channels (except the Cartoon Network, those poor animation majors).
And finally we come to a charge on my personal account for the cleaning of the one toilet that was located in my room. Listen folks, you're getting ripped off here, whomever is charging you 64 dollars per toilet cleaning is a scam. I know this wonderful lady, Consuela, she works VERY cheap (she also enjoys cooking and watching Spanish soap operas) best part, she's Irish. She knows how to clean. You know why there was a potato famine? Irish chicks threw out all the potatoes because they knew that potatoes come from the ground, that's NASTY. Anyway, it was this charge that irked me the most of all four. Seeing as I don't remember Satan coming into my room to make a number 2. It already smells like brimstone in the mornings thanks to the paper mill. First morning at redacted I thought the building was on fire and ran outside in a panic. Another thought I had as the the total expenses for the toilet is that maybe Donald Trump himself decided to work for a day at redacted and that was his charging price for each toilet cleaning to help pay for insert celebrity here.
In conclusion, the reason I am sending you this email is to ask you if you can review the charges and make sure that the total shown to me is correct, unless you all just forgot to add a period before the numbers, in which case I wouldn't worry about it.
My Name here
My house here
Cell: NOTHING HERE
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