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December 18, 2014

And by apologize, they mean kill...

On Wednesday, December 16th,2014, Sony Pictures announced that it would not be releasing The Interview after numerous theater chains refused to show the film after a terror threat that any movie theater showing the film would face a terrorist attack.

Many fans of James Franco and Seth Rogen are extremely disappointed that they will not see the movie despite mediocre reviews. The truth is: the movie wasn’t even written to ever be seen. The Interview was shot in just under a month under a budget of $1 million financed by the CIA. The movie was just improvised by James Franco, Seth Rogen, and the rest of the cast. So, what critics saw as a mediocre film was actually quite an accomplishment, because despite The Interview being a sham project, James Franco and Seth Rogen were able to make the film somewhat funny due to their incredible comedic talents.

Sony Pictures made the film under a covert operation by the CIA to eventually kill Kim Jong Un. The first step would be announcing the film followed by a denouncement of the film by North Korea. Then North Korea would try to retaliate against Sony Corp. by gaining access to thousands of fake Social Security numbers, fake employee emails, and some films that nobody was going to see anyways (An African-American Annie? Annie was clearly white in the 1982 film. So the whole premise of the movie doesn’t even make sense.).

All those Sony Corp. executives weren’t actually racist or insensitive. They were just pretending to be. It was all a masterclass plan just like how the Joker got caught in The Dark Knight on purpose or how Loki got caught in The Avengers on purpose or how Raoul Silva got caught in Skyfall on purpose. Only this time, the master plan made sense.

Next on the agenda for Sony Corp. is to send both James Franco and Seth Rogen to North Korea so they can both apologize to Kim Jong Un. Franco and Rogen may not make it out alive, but Kim Jong Un surely will not not make it out alive.

I will not divulge the escape plan for Franco and Rogen as this is still an ongoing operation and I have first dibs on the story.

Note 1: Don’t publish YET!

Note 2: Look at the new Anal sex videos tonight on Pornhub.

Note 3: Tell son #2 that looking at pornography is wrong and degrading to women.

Note 4: Shrink-wrap and return Guardians of the Galaxy blu-ray to Best Buy after using the digital movie code.