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9Funny
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December 01, 2015
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I'd like to officially announce my retirement from mustaches.

Dear Mustache,

From the moment
I stopped shaving my patchy facial hair
And let you blossom
Slowly and painfully
In my 2/2 West LA apartment
I knew one thing was real:

I fell in love with you.
A love so deep I ruined all my photos and meetings –
My snap chats & selfies
To Thanksgiving Day portraits & my client pitches

As a 28 year old boy
Deeply in love with you
I never accepted how horrible it actually looked
I only saw myself
And you, fulfilling a lifelong dream.

And so I ran.
I ran my fingers through every prickly hair
Up and down your inconsistent growth
Over every loose hair for you.
You asked for my blind ignorance
I gave you my heart.

But I can’t love you obsessively for much longer
My body, girlfriend, family, friends, coworkers and frenemies can’t handle it
This day is all I have left to give.

So we both can savor every moment we have left together.
The good and the bad.
We have given each other
All that we have.
And we both know, no matter what I do next
I’ll always be that 28 year-old boy who finally grew a mustache.

Love you always,
Harry

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