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March 04, 2017
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Snapchat can do anything.

WASHINGTON DC –

The US Government today declared the dawn of a dramatic public-private partnership under which they will harness the unlimited power of the social media platform Snapchat to completely rebuild the entire infrastructure of the country.

House Republicans unveiled the plan at a weekly news conference in which they pointed to the remarkable IPO earnings of the silicon valley darling as proof that it can solve the dire infrastructure problems facing the nation.

“We, as a people, need to stop expecting government to solve all our problems, and look to the private sector to solve them for us,” said House Speaker Paul Ryan. “The Republican plan for lower taxes on the wealthy is completely incompatible with repairing our collapsing cities, counties, states and nation. And we need to use Snapchat to fix them.”

“One need only look at their dramatic success on Wall Street to know that Snapchat can be used to repair most, if not all, of our disintegrating bridges, highways, roads, sewers, electrical grids, and power plants,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. When asked how exactly Snapchat will repair US infrastructure, Senator McConnell told reporters they should ask Snapchat.

Will rebuild roads, highways, bridges, dams, airports, and railroads

Members of the House Freedom Caucus, a group of representatives associated with the Tea Party movement, were also bullish on the idea of Snapchat reversing the grinding deterioration of the backbone of our country.

A spokesperson for Congressman Mark Meadows said that Democrats need to get out of the way and let Snapchat devise a plan for addressing the desperately needed repairs. “It is unconscionable that Democrats refuse to let Snapchat begin work immediately on implementing the badly needed reconstruction of America’s roads, highways, bridges, dams, airports, and railroads. The nation’s voters should hold Democrats accountable at the next election for their unpatriotic refusal to allow Snapchat to fix the country.”

Although they were unavailable for comment, the Snapchat website did release a new filter that allows users to show a stream of rainbow colored bridges roads and pipes coming out of their mouth.

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