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May 22, 2016

I don't know where I was going with this story. If you want to see where I went with it read it, if you don't...well fuck you.

Listen I don’t know what I’m doing anymore and I know you don’t either. Just the other day I sent flowers and a note to my ex wife. She’s married, she’s married to a gang leader, he’s black (because most of them are) and he immediately came to my house and beat the living shit out of me. Is it bad that I came? Anyways, after that I realized I was going through some weird shit and I wondered why I sent flowers and a letter to my ex wife. It’s simple really…I’m being cloned.

I know it sounds fucking insane but it’s true, nothing else explains why I would have done it, and if I wasn’t being cloned I wouldn’t have felt this strange urge to suck a dick. I didn’t but I wanted to, badly. I had a hankering for cock. So I went on a hike to figure out what was happening and every time I go on a hike I want to feel like I’m hiking Mount Everest so I throw on a heavy coat, heavy gloves, a huge hat, and snow shoes. I was set.

On my hike I saw a dog buttfucking a squirrel. A man fucking a tree. And a women fingering herself with a bird feather. It was strange man (yes, I came) so I’m still thinking about my clones and I’m thinking of why someone would want to clone me, I came to three viable reasons to why:

  • My cock is huge and could pleasure a lot of women
  • My asshole is very tight I’d be great for lonely gay men
  • I’m 6 ft 8 and I can reach things

They were all possible reasons to why I would be getting cloned and none of them explained why I sent the flowers to my ex wife with a love note attached to it.But THEN… It hit me.
Nobody was cloning me I’m just lonely and delusional , so I jumped off the cliff to commit suicide and I didn’t die. So fuck off.

“ I wanna fuck a real human woman”

— Every Man Ever.