Connor Anthony Bird, son of basketball legend, Larry Bird, has recently been charged with trying to assault his girlfriend... with a cell phone.... AND maybe a vehicle...
Ok, so, this is how I imagine this played out:
You are hanging out with your boys and then there comes that awkward conversation about your girlfriend. The loudest one of the group goes "Hey Connor, did you plow that girl of yours yet?" and of course then there is his shadow (you know, the guy that has a man crush on the cool one) following right behind him with "Yeah! You should hit her up with the celly!" Connor obviously frustrated (maybe sexually) brushes them off and continues about his day. With so much pressure and midterms coming up, 21 year old Connor goes out to his school's campus parking lot to meet his girlfriend. Now she's nagging at him about his shoes and how she hates his hair like that. THAT'S when it happened! He decided to take his friends' advice! He quickly tries to hit her with his cell phone and then plow her with his car.
Now the moral? Try to talk as literally as possible when you are dealing with the "weird stressed-out friend"! Connor has since been released. If you see him, please try to get him laid!