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May 10, 2017
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"I saw a figure in a velour tracksuit and shutter shades walk directly into the river, grab a salmon right out of a grizzly bear’s mouth, and declare the shark the greatest predator of all time.”

Recent reports that Kanye West has retreated to a Wyoming mountaintop to make his next album have led to a surge in the number of Kanye sightings in the area. Real or not, here is a round-up of the latest alleged Kanye sightings from Wyoming residents:


Jennifer, Park Ranger:

“It was kind of far away, but I’m pretty sure I saw a figure in a velour tracksuit and shutter shades walk directly into the river, grab a salmon right out of a grizzly bear’s mouth, and declare the shark the greatest predator of all time.”


Ben, Rancher:

“The other night I heard something frightening the livestock. Now I don’t know much about popular culture or rap music, but I’m pretty sure it was Kanye. I clearly heard someone yelling at my cows that he was the next Steve Jobs.”


Brenda, Wildlife Biologist:

“I was out birdwatching early in the morning. I can’t explain it, but I could feel someone watching me. I thought I caught a figure out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned, it was gone. That’s when I noticed something on the trunk of a tree: Someone had carved a heart, and inside they had etched: ‘Myself. And also KK, I guess.’”


Greg, Sculptor:

“I was displaying some of my work at a local arts show when a gentleman I didn’t recognize in designer sunglasses and a leather skirt came up and started looking at some of my wildlife figurines. He asked if I could carve his face into stone. I said I had never done anything like that, but I asked him what size stone he had in mind. He pointed to a mountain in the distance and said ‘That.’”


Jennifer, Park Ranger:

“Yeah, me again. This time, I’m positive it was him. He walked up to me, introduced himself, and demanded to be a national park.”


Jasper, Actual Gold Digger:

“Ain’t ever heard of such a thing. What in the Sam Hill is a Kanye?”

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