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February 19, 2013

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at www.brianlisi.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Mississippi ratified the 13th Amendment this month, officially abolishing slavery. "What's that you just said?" asked the 10 black people in Mississippi who thought racial issues were improving in the state. 

A professor and an anatomical material specialist looked into the state's history with the amendment after watching "Lincoln." The professor went immediately to the library while the anatomical material specialist studied a picture of a penis as per usual.

Mississippi Secretary of State Delbert Hosemann arranged the passage of the bill upon being contacted by the two researchers. Though it didn't help that Delbert's dog kept making condescending remarks the whole time

After being approved by the legislature in 1995, the bill failed to be enacted because the then-secretary of state didn't send a copy of it to the federal register. Part of the problem being that he sent his slave to do it. 

Secretary of State Hosemann said the ratification of the 13th Amendment "was long overdue." Approving the 14th and 15th amendments, eh, what's the rush?

With the passage of the bill, slavery is now illegal in all 50 states in America. So at the very least, you have to offer college credit.