Lorelai Gilmore rushes down the stairs, pulling leather cowboy boots over her freshly-lotioned feet. She is not wearing any socks.
“Rory,let’s go, you can’t be late on your first day of the prestigious private school.”
Rory walks out of her room in a white cotton bra and skirt that touches the fleshy skin behind her knees.
“I’m not ready yet, mom.”
Lorelai is racing around the kitchen. Her taut breasts bouncing in a tight, pink shirt Lorelai tie-dyed herself. She pulls a denim bucket hat over her luscious brown curls.
“I’ll make the pop-tarts while you get dressed.”
Lorelai reaches for the shiny, silver plastic surrounding the flaky, yet always dry,pop-tart. Lorelai struggles to open it. It drops to the floor. Lorelai bends over to pick up the fallen pop-tart. Her shapely ass faces Rory.
“Rory,I ripped my shirt trying to open the pop-tart!”
Rory comes out of her room. She’s wearing all white like the pure virgin she is, but won’t be after she misplaces her virginity. She ultimately finds her virginity under the couch cushions.
Lorelai is licking the pop-tart’s seal.
“Can you try and help me open the pop-tart? I think the only way for you to get your quirky breakfast is by licking the wrapper.”
“Whatever you say, mom.”
Rory and Lorelai are furiously licking the pop-tart. They lick so hard the pop-tart and the wrapper disintegrate. They are now just lapping at each other’s tongues.
Lorelai pulls back, she is out of breath. Her bodacious chest heaving.
“Let’s go Rory. We can’t be late to your first day of private school.”
Rory walks through the front door, her cheeks rosy red. Beads of sweat that smell like lavender coat her forehead.
“Mom, I thought about you all day.”
Lorelai is drinking a cup of coffee. She is wearing a terrycloth, highlighter pink robe with nothing underneath. It is untied.
“I missed you, Rory.”
As Lorelai approaches Rory, Rory’s hunky boyfriend, Dean, struts in. He swishes his brown hair out of his brown eyes.
“Good afternoon, Gilmore Girls.”
Lorelai begins to eye Dean from the top of his head, down his sculpted body to his feet. He is wearing the Van slides that were popular in the early 2000s and are experiencing a comeback in 2016.
“You know what freaks me out, Dean kind of looks like Christopher. And you kind of look like Christopher.”
“I am his daughter.”
A moan escapes Lorelai’s cherry red lips.
“Like genetically speaking, I’m half his.”
The sound of the doorbell breaks the sexual tension that is building in the kitchen.
“That must be the pizza!” Lorelai saunters out of the kitchen.
Dean steps toward Rory. She looks down at the floor.
Lorelai walks back into the kitchen carrying two large boxes of pepperoni pizza. She already has a slice in her mouth. Some pizza sauce has dripped down her throat onto her sternum.
“Uh,Lorelai, do you want a napkin?”
“No thanks, Dean. I’ll just have Rory clean it up.”
Rory walks over to her mom and licks up the tomato sauce. The doorbell rings again. Rory lifts her mouth from her mother’s throat, which is cleaned up, but still has a bit of a flushed, reddish tint.
“That must be Teriyaki Joe!”
Rory walks back in the kitchen skillfully balancing three chicken teriyaki bowls. Dean feels a tingling in his nether regions. He begins to grow hard as he watches Lorelai chew up rice and mama bird feed it into Rory’s waiting mouth. He can’t take it anymore. He bolts out of the house.
“Your boyfriend is weird.”
“Mom,don’t be so witty and mean.”
“I just want to have a relationship with you that I never had with my own mother.”
“Did you and Emily ever…”
Rory blushes and looks down at her feet that have been slightly blistered by her loafers.
“Rory,say it. You can tell me anything.
Lorelai takes a step closer to Rory.
“Did you and Emily ever… hug?”
Lorelai leans in and hugs Rory tightly. The lower parts of their stomach, where the folds are, mesh together.
“No hunny, but it’s just like The Beatles said…”
Rory tries to pull a bit away.
“Mom,what did The Beatles say that relates to this moment?”
Lorelai buries her slightly greasy chin in Rory’s stringy hair.
“I want to hug your torso.”
Rory pulls all the way back.
“Mom,what’s wrong with you? It’s “I Want to Hold Your Hand.” You’ve never messed up a cultural reference in the entire seven seasons of our relationship.”
“I guess…I don’t know…hugging you just makes me feel…so confused.”
Rory pulls her back into a hug.
“Just don’t mess up a cultural reference again.”