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37Funny
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March 01, 2015
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I've been out of the 'dating game' for a while, but figured I would take some dating advice from my favorite romantic movie, Swingers, and then download the hottest new dating app, Tinder!

I recently decided to get back into the dating world! Fun!

Having not dated in a while, I sought out some advice from my favorite romantic movie, Swingers. This is a story about two friends who live in Los Angeles. Mike is a total dunce who can’t get over his ex-girlfriend back in New York, and Trent the super-cool, mile-a-minute party animal who is like, mad awesome.

I haven’t really had a pulse on the dating scene much in the past few years, but I have been hearing about this new “mobile application” for iPhone called Tinder. Looked great! I decided to check it out with my latest vault of advice from Mike and Trent’s adventures.

For my first match I decided to take the film’s advice and wait 2-3 days before contacting the potential future Mrs. Gardner.

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…But after just a few hours, Ella un-matched me! Ugh. Granted, she did seems a little negative and *dramatic* but I learned my lesson. I was going to have to try a few other tactics.

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Man, girls are really into talking about holidays—first Valentine’s and then President’s Day! I liked how patriotic Marsha was, so I decided to pay her a compliment on her awesome Tinder skills. But that totally didn’t work, either! Un-matched.

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Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy, right? Time to exude some confidence. Morgane didn’t seem impressed, though. Maybe I was being a little too arrogant? Next, I tried honesty. Girls like a guy who can be vulnerable in conversation, right?

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Man, no dice! Admittedly I don’t like using the “f” word, but the guys in Swingers got so many beautiful babies! I knew my persistence was bound to pay off.

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Margaux spelled her name really weird, but I thought that might mean she was from New Orleans. That’s how they spell a lot of things there. And I love New Orleans! I felt an instant connection, so when she tried to belittle her own physical appearance, I tried to speak to her personally, from the heart. Little good that was! I thought my advice was really inspirational. Ugh, un-matched, again!

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Okay, frankly this made me a little angry. Seriously, all these girls were so insecure! I mean, the web site Priscilla tried to send me to (I’m assuming she has some kind of model shots or something?) had the tag hot/or/not. I’m not shallow like that!

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Keisha clearly liked to party. Me, too! I figured she must be named after that pop singer I always hear at dance halls–bonus points! I wanted to get on Keisha’s level, and get her pumped up for a night out on the town. I thought she might have just been having too much fun and forgot to text me back. Happens to me all the time! The next day, though, I awoke to find that Keisha, like my other Tinder connections, had vanished…

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Will I ever find true love?

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