In slang terms “pussy” is used to describe a person that’s cowardly or weak. When saying someone “has balls,” it’s meant that the person is tough and strong. Using these phrases that way would work if it were opposite day. Unfortunately,Opposite Day is a 2009 children’s movie with Pauly Shore and not an actual day.
A “pussy,” or “vagina” as it’s scientifically known, is a muscular sex organ capable of expanding up to 200% to facilitate intercourse or childbirth. Vaginas contain squalene, a substance prominently found in shark liver. The etymology of vagina is “sheath for sword.” The clitoris (located on the vag) has double the amount of nerve endings as the penis. Sharks, swords and stimulation: doesn’t sound very cowardly or weak to me.
“Balls,” or “testicles” (science name), are widely considered the most fragile part of the male physique. Testicles are tiny little spheres averaging two-inches long and one-inch wide. When they are hot, balls hang in a vulnerable low and floppy position. When they’re cold, the balls get frigid and shrivel to preserve heat. Balls are like an elderly person in a public space: Their safety is a liability and they are constantly complaining about the temperature.
If we insist on using our reproductive parts as slang we should at least be using them accurately. Below is your Official Guide to Genital Colloquialisms.
Pussy- [poos-ee] noun
A strong shark-like person with a sword.
“The newest Marvel character is a real pussy.”
Balls- [bôls] noun
A debilitating handicap that renders one vulnerable to a swift kick.
“I never made black belt in karate because my sensei said I had balls.”
Dickhead- [dik-hed] noun
A sensitive person who sometimes wears a hoodie.
“Michael Cera is a real dickhead.”
Clit- [klit] noun
A thing that gives loads of pleasure but can be difficult to find.
“That party in Brooklyn last night was a total clit.”
Fallopian tube- [fəˈlōpēən ˌto͞ob]
A person with short hair who brings you eggs.
“The best part about brunch at this place is the hot fallopian tubes.”