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August 06, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Due to a month of heavy rain and flooding, 212,000 North Koreans have been left homeless. Or as it's known in North Korea, enjoying the nation's many fine parks and streets.

Goldman Sachs is investing in a program aimed at keeping prisoners from returning to crime. So basically they won't be offering them jobs at Goldman Sachs.

Police in Pakistan were disciplined after marching an unmarried couple naked through the streets. It was by far the worst vacation Ed Birman and Cindy Addison have ever had.

A Washington, D.C., school district has begun paying students $5.25 to attend a summer school program. Though it's going to be awkward when the students realize they're making more than their teachers.

Fox News criticized Americans at the Olympics for not chanting "USA" after Gabby Douglas won her gold medals. "Has being in Europe for over a week affected them that much?" asked Fox News.

The Catholic Church is pushing for Congress to overturn the Affordable Care Act's birth control mandate. The church feels birth control encourages sex outside of marriage, and we all know what that leads to...

A cake shop in Colorado is being protested after it refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple. Even worse, they wanted it to be half vanilla, half chocolate.

Songbirds that live in climates with varying weather are more flexible singers, according to a new study. Scientists are still stumped however why all songbirds in LA have fake breasts.

During a speech in Indiana, Mitt Romney said he will do "something dramatic" to help the economy if elected president. Romney didn't specify but advisors suggest it will involve him not wearing a tie on a Monday.

Lollapalooza was evacuated for three hours on Saturday due to thunderstorms. Concertgoers were forced to take refuge in the Lollapaplaza.

Michael Phelps ended his Olympic career by winning yet another gold medal. A victory he'll not soon forget because he luckily has the medals to remind him.

A top NASA scientist says the heat waves seen around the world are undoubtedly the result of global warming. Raising the question, but what does he know?