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I think we're in a good rhythm now, so I shouldn't have to spend too much time in these intros telling you about what's going on in the league. If anyone is a fan of Roy Jones, Jr. the boxer, you should probably listen to the songs mentioned in this particular post. If you watch the actual music video for the second RJJ song mentioned, you will no doubt ask yourself "What the fuck is going on?" at least five times.
I wish I took the time to post these articles to FoD earlier in the year, as it is currently 12/2 (week 13) and I am just now posting the Week 9 ATL. But I plan to have everything up to Week 13 ATL (current) posted by this afternoon. No work today at my glorious telesales job, as I went to the Jay-Z and Kanye West 'Watch the Throne' concert last night at Chicago's United Center. Epic.
Long story short in this intro, the owner of CANT WAIT wanted to make a trade with the owner of Bruce Blingstein (who at this point is officially considered an *automatic win*). The owner of the Legion of Doom is also the league commissioner, so he is the only one that can officially approve trades. While I claimed before that Blingstein could not trade with anyone, given his *automatic win* status, I had a change of heart and agreed with the commissioner to let the trade go through. Just a quick background, enjoy.
Professional Blues = me (Fox)
my ninjas = black
Jack D Rocks = brown
Legion of Doom = blue
RamRods = red
Bastard Mutants = orange
T. Green? = green
AK-47 = Adam (only met him a few times and have no idea what his last name is)
CANT WAIT = turquoise
Bruce Blingstein = gray (*automatic win*)
FaNasty News Around The League (Week 9)
LEGION OF DOOM *AUTOMATIC WIN*
B** J****'s LoD club will simply be looking to showcase their talent and remain healthy this weekend. His team will win their eighth straight, and we caught up with the club owner to get his thoughts on this week's joke of a matchup. "[A simple case of] David vs. Goliath this week..except David's got no arms or legs and will be devoured.." Okay, the first thing I said when I got this quote was, "What in the fuck is he talking about?" Then I thought it all made sense because he was gonna like eat him up since his team name is the Bastard Mutants and all, but then I realized this team isn't even the fucking Mutants! So no, I don't know what Legion of Doom owner J**** was talking about the other day; and the David and Goliath reference just messes with my head even more. Maybe he was stoned and reading the Bible? That's my one and only rationale. Anyway, J**** and his Legion will win by five-hundred or something dumb as hell like that. (Legion of Doom -81.5)
MY NINJAS v. AK-47
Just three weeks ago, life was looking better than ever for my ninjas owner D** O********. As for AK-47 owner Adam (who has yet to reveal his last name to FN reporters), he was probably contemplating murdering his entire team. But now, O******** is in desperation mode while Adam has seen his team greatly improve. "Huge game this week," said a monotoned Adam in his weekly press conference. He said his team needed to keep winning to make it to the playoffs, and that Arian Foster has been a huge reason for his club's turnaround. Meanwhile, my ninjas owner D** O******** admitted that his team's hot streak was bound to end. "We got exposed like Tebow," said O********, followed by vowing, "We 'bout to win out." Changing any parts around star quarterback Aaron Rodgers remains to be seen, and O******** told me his front office will be discussing potential options and keeping all related information in-house. I see my ninjas getting a much-needed win here on the arm of Rodgers. But as far as winning out for the remainder of the season, O******** must be smoking that real good shit if that's what he believes. (my ninjas -13.5).
PROFESSIONAL BLUES v. JACK D ROCKS
It seems JDR owner S** C******* thinks that shit-talking is the way to win. Last week he claimed S*****'s Mutants were in to necrophilia, and this week he had plenty of words for PB Squad owner Fox. He thinks Fox simply has a history of losing, similar to a Chicago Cubs or Detroit Lions franchise. No matter how good things look for Fox's Blues, C******* can never imagine them winning. He then ended his weekly conference with what he believed to be clever wordplay, saying, "..in the end, they'll be left only to wallow in their 'professional blues.'" Fox had surely heard the news by the time he held his conference yesterday morning. "Who said this? This kid is still soaking wet behind the ears when it comes to this FaNasty shit. Even if he wins this week, you wait and see who lasts longer when the playoffs roll around..fuckin' loser." S** has surely stirred up some shit these past couple weeks, and he may get the edge again due to the injury of Fox's running back Ryan Mathews coupled with his quarterback Ryan Fitzmagic sidelined going against the New York Jets. We'll see who gets the last laugh in this new rivalry, but still look for Fox to take it with the points. (Professional Blues +13.5)
CANT WAIT v. BASTARD MUTANTS
The Bastard Mutants suffered a tough loss last weekend, and all eyes were on quarterback Drew Brees. "Brees doesn't fuck dead bodies," said a very defensive D** S***** when talking about his team's top player. He had nothing more to say about the necrophilic accusations placed upon his team by league fire-starter S** C*******. About this weekend's matchup, S***** called E***** S******'s team "cork soakers" (maybe referring to cock suckers?) and said that he "can't wait." S******, fresh off of acquiring wide receiver DeSean Jackson and tight end Jimmy Graham from M*** L***'s Bruce Blingstein club (cough..who cares..cough), was his asshole-self when asked for comments. He told reporters he was in business mode and that "Jerry Jones can't talk football all day." Last time I checked, Jerry's Dallas Cowboys were a shitty football team. Once again, I question E*****'s decision-making more and more. Look for Brees to get back to football and not cold, dead booty. Mutants roll. (Bastard Mutants -18.5)
T. GREEN? v. RAMRODS
In what is sure to be this weekend's hottest matchup, T** P******'s T. Green? club matches up against J*** C******'s RamRods. C****** had nothing to say about last week's loss to Fox's P Blues, even despite the massive amounts of shit he talked prior to the matchup. At this point, C****** feels that "All games are must wins." That goes for both clubs, as P****** is feeling confident about his team following last week's dismantling of my ninjas. He also feels confident when it comes to his opponent this week, since he thinks C****** spends too much time proposing terrible trades. "[C****** is] Possibly one of the worst fantasy minds of our generation," T** said at his weekly press conference earlier on Wednesday. Barring any shitty trade proposal distractions from C******, P****** sees another victory for his club this weekend. And we agree with him, as long as quarterback Phillip Rivers (who we now refer to as "Psycho P") can get his fucking act together. (T. Green? -4.5)
Added over 1 year ago
2 funny votes
1 die vote
Patience is overrated...
Patience is overrated...
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