I fear that I may have developed an unhealthy obsession over a man.
Yes, a Man.
His name is the Gos. Ryan. Mr. Gosling. Ryan Gosling. Ryan Motherfucking Gosling.
To the guys who scoff at this, fuck you. Whether you want to openly admit it or not fellas, each and every one of you has a man crush in one way or another, even if you don’t realize it. It doesn’t mean you want to do sexual stuff to him, it just means you admire the hell out of him. I am just bold enough to say it publicly. Either way, I am 100% comfortable enough with my sexuality to share the following:
It’s not gay to love Ryan Gosling.
With apologies to my former man crush, Jon Hamm, you just have not done enough lately to warrant the top spot. It’s nothing personal though, Mr. Hamm. Once Mad Men returns, we can certainly sit down and have a conversation about this in great detail, in my mind.
Now back to the Gos. Prior to 2004, if you held a gun to my head and told me to pick Ryan Gosling out of a lineup of five other Hollywood guys at that particular time (let’s just say Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Phillippe, Jake Gyllenhaal, Kermit the Frog, or Fozzy Bear) I’d pretty much tell you to pull the trigger. He really was indistinguishable from the others.
Before 2004, I really only knew of a few of his performances. One of his roles was as the titled character in the Young Hercules series, and the other as the dancing Alan Bosley in Remember the Titans. The latter is still one of my favorite movies because Denzel Washington was awesome.
However, in 2004, my eyes were opened to him for a much different reason:
Without ever watching a single frame, I absolutely hated it and maybe Ryan Gosling as well. Every woman I knew talked about it. I’ll give you three reasons why I hated it:
- It seemingly placed unrealistic expectations on relationships.
- Just about every girl wanted that type of relationship.
- It was quoted furiously by every woman I knew, endlessly.
Then one day after hearing so much about it, I decided to secretly watch it. Like secretly. I made sure no one that I knew was within seven miles of my home, quietly placed the DVD into the player, and watched it. To my surprise, I enjoyed it. Unassumingly, a smirk grew on my face every time something great happened. Then the boat/rain scene happened. First, not many dudes can make a beard look awesome. Secondly, he sold it. That moment right as he says “I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you every day for a year,” made me believe in him as an actor. He sold the hell out of that line.
His role in The Notebook changed my stance on the type of relationship I wanted in my life. In that one moment, a man crush grew, although I didn’t know what that was at the time. I’ll be the first to admit it fellas, I fucking love The Notebook. You should watch it. You should embrace the movie as a whole, not just the love scenes. The movie is truly good.
So, I get it women who talked endlessly about The Notebook, I get it.
After that he did a few movies including Half Nelson (of which he was nominated for an Academy Award), and Lars and the Real Girl. I liked them. I still do. He is one of those actors that really takes his time and chooses roles that suit him, not one that gives him a paycheck. His performances often leave you wanting more.
Then for some odd reason, he disappeared for three years. I’d like to think that he was off saving orphaned kids, fighting forest fires with his bare hands, or doing something manly like building homes for orphaned kids who lost them to forest fires. Through exhaustive research (actually a web search that said “What the hell did Ryan Gosling do from 2007-2010) I gave up.
The thing is, after his brief sabbatical, he came back better.
Dude has a band. Not some shitty band that we are required to like out of obligation because he’s a star, but an awesome band that goes by the name of Dead Man’s Bones. When I was alerted to the band recently, I was reluctant to listen because I was afraid it would dim the lights on my man crush for him, thus having to move someone else into the top spot. Fact is the band is actually pretty damn awesome. Then again, a name like Dead Man’s Bones, it better be good or the band is wasting a damn good name. (As stated in Article 7, paragraph 2 of the man code, a band’s name can be revoked if the band sucks gigantic monkey balls.)
After his brief Hollywood hiatus, he came back with a few movies. Most notably with his unforgettable swagger in this trio of 2011 movies: Crazy, Stupid, Love., The Ides of March, and the unbelievably awesome Drive. If you have not seen any of these three, I highly suggest you do. They are all really good movies. I’m not the least bit embarrassed to say I’ve visited his IMDB page a few dozen times to find out what upcoming movies he will be starring in.
Fellas, if The Notebook isn’t your cup of tea, watch the first thirteen minutes of Drive. Don’t think, just do it and you will see exactly what I’m referring to. Remember how Brad Pitt really did sappy roles and most guys were like “I mean, I like Brad Pitt but he needs something gritty to make us dudes love him. He’s loved by women, BUT he needs a manly guy role.” Then Brad turned around and did Fight Club and we all were like, “Son of a bitch, that dude is awesome. I’ve always loved Brad Pitt; he was so awesome in Legends of the Fall.”
Drive, is that movie for Ryan Gosling, fellas.
Truthfully, it’s not just about the movies though. Sure I’ve seen him in movies, but I wholeheartedly believe the greatest thing about Ryan is the fact that he has this quiet confidence about him. He does not brag. You do not see him in the tabloids getting into trouble. He embraces his fans and I think that's why we are all drawn to him. He does charity work, but unlike some of the other celebrities you constantly hear or see telling us about their charity work, he doesn’t do it for the exposure. He just does it, quietly.
I don’t even think man crush would be appropriate in this situation. I admire the guy for so many reasons. I think it goes far beyond a man crush. When you talk about someone that children should look to as a role model, it’s this guy.
Sidenote Ryan: you got screwed out of People’s Sexiest Man Alive title for 2011, just throwing that in there.
SideSide Note: If by chance that you happen to read this Mr. Gosling, I too live in Southern California. If you want to hang out, you know, totally as friends…with our shirts off, just light the beacon. My bat signal is a chicken wing with steam coming off of it (of which you can find on eBay). I come with a cape, and a few laughs. We can watch movies, and then we could reenact the Volleyball Scene from Top Gun. Between your billion plus fans, and like the forty seven people that like me, we could make this a top video on YouTube for generations to come. They will tell the tale of you and that crazy super cool black superhero you became best friends with.
In closing, if you don’t love Ryan Gosling, you need to take a long look in the mirror and then slap yourself hard. It doesn’t make you gay to love him guys, it makes you straighter.
In fact, it’s totally not gay. It’s gay not to love him.