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October 12, 2017

Your hardwood floors can also be used as a Slip-N-Slide now.

Sure, you just had sex. But was it any good? For the hundreds (maybe thousands) of years people have been having sex there’s been no way of knowing if it was amazing or not.

Until now! Here are the (only) signs the sex you just had was great.

  • Everyone on the bus is applauding.
  • He wakes up from the coma
  • Wallet feels $1000 lighter
  • You pull a hair from Tom Selleck’s mustache out of your mouth
  • Your neighbors light up a cigarette afterward
  • You both suddenly speak French
  • Your penis blows off like a strip of firecrackers
  • Netflix asks if you’re still there
  • The dog won’t stop barking at your genitals
  • Cosmo cancels your subscription and sends a note apologizing for wasting your time
  • Your parents ask you to give them “the talk”
  • Even Godot came