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January 21, 2015

Meet the cast of the 35th season of 'So You Think You Can Cum,' this fall on Bravo!


It’s hard to believe but, this Friday, Bravo’s So You Think You Can Cum enters its 35th season!! The reality-show favorite where contestants are picked to live in a house and cum a bunch is BACK!

Alright, America, let’s meet this year’s cast!


A self-proclaimed “Cum Guy” since middle school, George plans to show America that, despite his age, he can still cum with the younger crowd! (But for legal reasons, we won’t let him.)

And don’t let the Santa beard fool you — this guy’s a shark who’s “not here to make friends.”


Unlike George, Bryan IS here to make friends. We’re not even sure he knows this is a reality show. He just showed up to the house and was like, “What’s everyone up to? Cumming? Awesome, mind if I join?”


Keep your eyes on Christoph, America! This guy discovered his hidden love for cumming while jerking off. According to him, “It just felt really great!” And despite what our judges think, Christoph insists he’s had NO formal training.

P.S. - Shows like this get made because people like you watch them.


Hey, slow down, Will! You’re not on So You Think You Can Cum just yet! Button them pants back up!

As you can see, Will’s a real “go-getter” when it comes to cumming. Possibly to a fault. According to his castmates, he can be a bit of an arm-chair quarterback.


Believe it or not, “Jizz” isn’t a nickname. He just has weird parents. Even the quotation marks are real. But can “Jizz” live up to his moniker? If you think so, text CUMVOTE to 5466, America!

This show holds a mirror to society.


In addition to a “So You Think You Can Cum” cast member, Rob Gronkowski is also a tight end for the New England Patriots. Will HIS balls get deflated, too?! Only time will tell.


Rick did NOT tell his boss he was taking six months off to be on this show. That’s probably gonna be a problem when he’s back. Also, that kid in the background is his son who’s getting bullied at school now cause of this.


People aren’t supposed to be on this show as a team but these guys insisted. Dubbed “Three’s Cumpany,” these Penn State pals are ALWAYS cumming. Their room stinks super bad.

All three of these boys have mothers and fathers who own a television.


Zack is always like, “You guys get together, we’re gonna remember this!” as if the show isn’t already being televised. Seriously, Zack, you don’t need to take pictures. There are cameras in every room, plus you’re making a lot of the guys “cum shy.”


Whoa, easy on the beers, Jason! Ya can’t do any cumming with whiskey dick! … OR CAN YOU?! Spoiler Alert: You can! This guy wins. I’m probably gonna get in trouble for writing this, but he does.