Just as The Hunger Games crosses the $400 million mark at the box office this week, US and NATO commanders in Afghanistan have decided to adapt the popular franchise into an early withdrawal strategy from Afghanistan.
According to a story in the The New York Times, a large pile of weapons, foodstuffs, and survival gear will emerge from below ground in the center of Kabul. As all the Afghans rush towards this inevitable bloodbath, America will quietly slip out of the country.
"This is an idea we've been thinking about ever since we saw Hunger Games at our movie/scrapbooking night," said the General John Allen.
"The only inaccuracy in the Times article was that it's actually just a big pile of pornos. Yes, Afgans love guns and beef jerky. But they'll kill their own mothers for two dudes doing some hot ATM."
Asked if the carnage would lead to instability in the region, Allen responded, “It's no different than the carnage that's going on now, except that this plan leads to no US casualties and boat loads of dead Afghans. And let's be honest, that's a win-win."