In honor of Rep. Anthony Weiner's impressive cock, the Boat research team has spent countless painstaking minutes to bring you this abridged and extremely unofficial Washington politico sex scandal list. The list includes presidents, senators, republicans, and democrats alike, united across party lines by the eternally tempting scent of young dicks and pussies.
10. Ted Haggard
This guy's not a politician per se, but he is an asshole, which makes his inclusion to this list completely justifiable. Ted Haggard is the former president of the NAE. You don't know what that stands for? Sinner. It stands for National Association of Evangelicals. You know, the guys that take money from stupid people. Mr. Haggard, a strong supporter of the Colorado Amendment 43 to ban same-sex marriage, was accused by male escort, Mike Jones, of paying him to have sex for three years, all during Haggard's term as NAE President. Haggard allegedly paid Mike Jones (Great male hooker name) for sex and, here's the kicker, purchased and used crystal meth. Boomtown! Haggard vehemently denied all claims, stating that he was, "Steady with my (his) wife. Faithful to my wife."
Haggard was forced to resign as president of the NAE in 2006. As more evidence came to light, he began to backtrack his story and admitted to meeting Mr. Jones only for a massage and that he bought the crystal meth, but didn't use it. Hahahhahahahahahaha. "I was tempted, but never used it". He really said this. Hahahahha. It gets better.
This clown moves to Phoenix to begin a "restoration" process at the Phoenix First Assembly of God. That means they were gonna take the gay outta him. Everyone knows being gay is a sinner's option. He and his wife started soliciting money in order to take on-line classes to pursue a degree in counseling at the prestigious University of Phoenix. Never mind the fact that this fuckstick received a 6 figure salary and $138,000 severance/hush money package from the NAE. And he owned a $700,000 house in Colorado Springs. Hey, I thought that money was going to God. Am I still going to heaven?
In 2008, with that whole gay thing behind him, he admitted to using meth and beating off in front of Mr. Jones. Sounds rad right? Well, in 2009, it came to light that a Haggard had sexual relations with a 22 year old male member of his church in 2006. The alleged victim, Grant Haas, claiming it was not consensual, was promptly paid $179,000 to shut the fuck up. In 2010 he claimed that his attraction towards men was a thing of the past. In 2011 he admitted to being bi-sexual. I don't know. I think he might be gay.
Ted's lucky wife, and mother of their five (probably gay) children, stood by his gay side throughout the entire gay ordeal. You're wondering why she stayed? You're in luck. In the gay year of 2010, she penned the gay book, "Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made In My Darkest Hour". This literary gay gem is known as the go-to "how to" book for "forgiving your lying, cheating, born-again, gay bashing-homosexual, meth head, beat off on young men, trusted pastor husband".
I wanted to condense the entire list into one post, but these assholes are just too fascinating. I'll do one scandal a week until we get to #1.