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October 10, 2011

There is no shortage of reality television , but sadly these only exist in my mind. lucky you, you get a sneak peak on it!

Everyone talks tweet, texts, posts, and records ‘em. As addictive as Chinese schoolgirl porn, and just as easy to get your hands on (provided you have internet), and everyone’s got their own opinions about them. I’m talking about reality television, and no matter what walk of life you are, there is a show that matches up for you.


‘Cause good-looking families fighting are always more entertaining than your ugly family


Nothing more entertaining than watching people secure there place in hell



 Tellin’ “hoodrats” who their baby-daddys are, one DNA test at a time


The only socially acceptable form of child abuse that you can laugh at!


And that’s only the tip of the iceberg! The tip of a very, very large iceberg! And if James Cameron taught us anything, its that you don’t fuck with an ice berg and live to tell the tale, isn’t that right DiCaprio?! (Hilarious Titanic reference, Check)  

Heres a list of shows that should be on TV. but only exist in my mind!

  Pimpin’ Chronicles


They got more colors going on here than a double rainbow (Not a racist remark about colored people)

 “Pimpin ain’t easy”. Ill be the judge of that,  I want to see really how difficult it is to be a pimp! I want watch a pimp around as he recruits more hoes to call him daddy. I want to see a pimp as he smacks the shit out of a ungrateful customer that isn’t paying up, or a “hoe dats outta place”.  Fresh threads, naughty hoes, and violence… is there anything this show doesn’t have?!

Haunted-House (Just Kidding)


That fat white woman’s face says it all


Ok, so the title can use some work! But seriously how funny would it be to gear people up with cameras, night vision goggles, and different ghost hunting equipment and told that they have to survive the night in a haunted house. One catch, the house isn’t actually haunted, but if you put people in a house with no lights and tell em its haunted, imagine how they’ll start acting. Oh man I can picture it from now, screaming, yelling, the occasional urinating of the pants, This will be a quick way to watch people act a complete fool and hopefully a way to see grown men and women cry.

Shaolin Student Showdown!

Sure beats working in a sweat shop (O.K, That may have crossed the line, but I'm going to let it slide)


a group of 10 Asian kids will be selected to go to live and study in a school. They’re all competing for one scholarship, and not only do they have to preform academically, each week there are different physical competitions that they have to be able to complete in order to stay in the prestigious school. Everyone knows that every Asian kid is automatically a blackbelt in Karate since birth, so put that many in close quarters and have them competing with each other at all times, so that they can get a scholarship and not join there parents at the Nike shoe factory and work 23 hour days, will guarantee us at least 1 or 2 really awesome kung fu fighting sequences, as well as seeing a bunch of kids cry (which according to Toddlers in Tiaras is acceptable and hilarious all at the same time). And lets be honest, who doesn’t like watching kids fight? Or Kung fu? Yeah that’s what I thought, everyone does!

Fat People, Small world

You’ve all been to movie theaters and seen the 2 seats in the back that are reserved for people of NFL linebacker sized proportions. How funny would it be though, if you went the completely opposite directions. This reality show chronicles 12 fat people living together in a house where everything is to small. Small chairs, small doors, small tables etc. Imagine a herd of cattle all logged into a dollhouse. Lots of furniture is going to be broken, and lots of tears are going to stream down cheeks, that are full of food and sorrow.

Plus Sized Warriors

Everyone loves “The Biggest Loser”, nothing like supporting some fatty as he/she loses weight than being shocked at how much he/she lost. Well lets take that same basic concept, but instead of supporting these tub’s o' lard, or even caring about how much weight their losing, lets just put them on really, really intense obstacle courses and see how they fare. (We already know they're going to fare, poorly. And that’s going to be the hilarious thing!) Imagine it, a combination of “Wipe Out”, “America’s funniest home videos”, and “The Biggest Loser” all rolled into one, but in this show, EVERYONES the loser, because your on a show about fat people falling off and around things!