San Diego, California (HAHAJK) — Two whales at the San Diego ocean-themed amusement park. SeaWorld, took a stand — rather a swim — against harsh working conditions Monday morning, when they announced they were going on strike.
Operations at the park halted after Hugo and Butch, the park’s two resident killer whales, decided that they wouldn't be performing anymore until park operators and trainers meet their demands.
“We do about four or five shows a day, A DAY. We are not Wayne Newton over here. We are killer Whales. The awesome hunters of the sea!” Butch told reporters on Monday. “Hell, even Wayne Newton gets a vacation and…AND he also doesn’t have to live in an aquarium that’s barely big enough to fit him. This is bullsh*t!”
The whales are demanding bigger living quarters, more fish, and only two shows a day. The original demands included one sacrificial offering of a child in the viewing audience of their choice, but they pulled it to make their requests seem more reasonable, according to a legal arbitrator dealing with the case.
“Asking to eat a child is not going to keep negotiations moving along. We don’t want the whales to harpoon their chances of an agreement. Oops. No pun in tended.”
San Diego officials say they not only treat the whales fairly but believe that any animal living in the wild would be lucky to be netted, drugged, tagged and transported into a watery prison to be put on daily display for other land mammals.
“It’s a real privilege. They are safe here. We try our best not to over-chlorinate the water that they swim in and drink from. The extra 13 years or so we shave off of their lives do to stress and cramped living conditions are worth it.”
The whales didn’t respond to well to the remarks saying that humans are lucky that they prefer cold open water and that they can’t walk on land or they would have eaten us years ago. Negotiations are set to continue throughout the week.
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