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Published July 30, 2013 More Info »
It's almost August. There's only so much time left to check everything off your summer bucket list. Get moving!   Go to the beach Swim in a pool Pee in a pool Buy a pool Get a job that will earn you enough money to buy a pool Eat a hot dog Eat the MOST hot dogs Meet that summer fling Make plans to buy a house together, maybe a nice little place with a pool Realize it's getting way too serious and you need this to end Be too much of a pussy to end things Because you care about her Meet her family Oh no, now you're in too deep... Insult her father's career Yeah, that'll end it Go to a baseball game by yourself Decide now's the time to try and break that hot dog-eating record Overdraft your checking account after buying 47 hot dogs at $6.75 apiece Go to the beach again This time, actually have the balls to get in the water Get stung by a Jellyfish Have a friend urinate on you because he saw it in a movie once Go to the hospital for your untreated Jellyfish sting, covered in your friend's urine Find that jellyfish that stung you Seriously, hunt it down Piss on it Realize it was the wrong jellyfish Just take a week to think about what you've done Think thoughts like "is this all there is?" Make an appointment with a psychiatrist Enjoy the psychiatrist's cool air conditioning Think about how nice it must be to have your own office as nice as this Ponder what you're doing with your career Quit your job, you were never gonna earn enough for a pool there anyway Tell your boss all about the urinating on the wrong jellyfish and how you got to this point Shake his hand because he understands what you're going through Lean in for a kiss Realize you totally misread the vibe of what was going on there Run away in shame Find yourself back at the beach Steel yourself and begin walking toward the water with no intention of ever coming back Make peace with your maker Feel the cool water surround you, it won't be long now Feel a sudden sting and look down See it's that jellyfish that stung you - for sure this time Piss all over that little fucker Really give him the business Cackle maniacally as you savor the sweet taste of revenge Realize it's been kind of a great summer
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