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Published July 30, 2013 More Info »

It's almost August. There's only so much time left to check everything off your summer bucket list. Get moving!


  • Go to the beach
  • Swim in a pool
  • Pee in a pool
  • Buy a pool
  • Get a job that will earn you enough money to buy a pool
  • Eat a hot dog
  • Eat the MOST hot dogs
  • Meet that summer fling
  • Make plans to buy a house together, maybe a nice little place with a pool
  • Realize it's getting way too serious and you need this to end
  • Be too much of a pussy to end things
  • Because you care about her
  • Meet her family
  • Oh no, now you're in too deep...
  • Insult her father's career
  • Yeah, that'll end it
  • Go to a baseball game by yourself
  • Decide now's the time to try and break that hot dog-eating record
  • Overdraft your checking account after buying 47 hot dogs at $6.75 apiece
  • Go to the beach again
  • This time, actually have the balls to get in the water
  • Get stung by a Jellyfish
  • Have a friend urinate on you because he saw it in a movie once
  • Go to the hospital for your untreated Jellyfish sting, covered in your friend's urine
  • Find that jellyfish that stung you
  • Seriously, hunt it down
  • Piss on it
  • Realize it was the wrong jellyfish
  • Just take a week to think about what you've done
  • Think thoughts like "is this all there is?"
  • Make an appointment with a psychiatrist
  • Enjoy the psychiatrist's cool air conditioning
  • Think about how nice it must be to have your own office as nice as this
  • Ponder what you're doing with your career
  • Quit your job, you were never gonna earn enough for a pool there anyway
  • Tell your boss all about the urinating on the wrong jellyfish and how you got to this point
  • Shake his hand because he understands what you're going through
  • Lean in for a kiss
  • Realize you totally misread the vibe of what was going on there
  • Run away in shame
  • Find yourself back at the beach
  • Steel yourself and begin walking toward the water with no intention of ever coming back
  • Make peace with your maker
  • Feel the cool water surround you, it won't be long now
  • Feel a sudden sting and look down
  • See it's that jellyfish that stung you - for sure this time
  • Piss all over that little fucker
  • Really give him the business
  • Cackle maniacally as you savor the sweet taste of revenge
  • Realize it's been kind of a great summer

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