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Published September 26, 2011 More Info »
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Published September 26, 2011
Humans vs. Dinosaurs? Like the Yankees vs. Lakers, the Celtics vs. Red Sox, the Sports Fans vs. Casual Enthusiasts; this rivalry has persisted for centuries. Now, thanks to executive producer Steven Spielberg and his new Documentary series "Terra Nova"; we no longer have to rely on Folk Wisdom and Cave Drawings for our answer. Dinosaurs are total pussies and here are three reasons why:

Reason 1: Dinosaurs don't do shit

"Roar!" sorry did I scare you? No? Exactly! The first thing I learned about Dinosaurs from watching this footage is that they are all talk and no walk.  Beyond acting like they were on their period (Cretaceous, Jurassic, Menstrual) whenever they were onscreen, they didn't do much. Kind of like the Chad Ocho Cinco's of prehistory.

Reason 2: Dinosaurs are lazy

Know what the best thing about a show about ass-kicking dinosaurs is? The appearance of ass-kicking dinosaurs! Unfortunately, this "Band of Boners" decided to completely phone it in. Not only did they wait 20 full minutes to make their first appearance, when they finally showed up all they did was eat! Why even leave the Star Wagon, huh, Brontosaurus? This is not the last season of "Friends" and you are not Matthew Perry; you guys have to earn those grass heaps they're paying you!

Reason 3: Dinosaurs are ugly

Honest question: how many of you would fuck a Pterodactyl? And no you can't make them wear a wig and makeup! Dinosaurs are all weirdly shaped bumps and scaly green skin. Sex with a dinosaur would be like sleeping with a Cancerous Irish Tumor. At least the tumor could use it's charming accent to dull the regret of your bad decision.

So there you have it, Humans trump Dinosaurs every time and there is absolutely nothing that could convince me otherwi...*CHOMP EATEN BY A DINOSAUR*


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