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November 12, 2014
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America loves cast reunions. But some casts — some casts should never reunite.

Friends_actors_montage.jpg

The Friends stars gave us an exclusive chat about Gunther, Ross and Rachel, and what’s behind those haunted smiles.

America loved the recent cast reunions for Ghostbusters and Mean Girls, but get ready for the big one: After 10 years, the Friends cast are reuniting for the very first time. Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, David Schwimmer, and the rest of them sat down with Funny Or Die News for an exclusive interview to discuss their smash hit show after 10 years off the air.


The six of you haven’t given a joint interview in over a decade. How does it feel to be all together again?

Jennifer Aniston: Great. Great.

Courteney Cox: We were always such good friends on and offscreen.

Matthew Perry: It’s just a joy to see everyone. We all lead such hectic lives. We haven’t all been together since that night.

Matt LeBlanc: Shut up.

Jennifer Aniston: It’s just great.

What night?

Lisa Kudrow: Don’t worry about it. Hey, remember Gunther?

Jennifer Aniston: Did you know he was originally a day player? Just goes to show there are no small parts, only small actors. He made that role his own.

Courteney Cox: The Friends set was like that. It was a very welcoming set.

Matthew Perry: This is wrong.

What souvenirs did you hold onto from the set?

Matthew Perry: It’s wrong. We promised we would never reunite. We were supposed to go our separate ways after that night. It was the only way.

Matt LeBlanc: Perry, can it or so help me. Uh, I kept one of those big mugs!

Courteney Cox: I kept the picture frame from around the peephole!

Lisa Kudrow: Guys, he’s right. I can’t pretend anymore. I have to tell someone what we did.

Jennifer Aniston: Jesus Christ. Everyone get it together. We’ve made it too far to fall apart now. I am not going to jail.

Friends set.JPG

The Central Perk set, empty, as maybe it should be.

Uh, is everything—

Jennifer Aniston: The hair dryer!

What?

Jennifer Aniston: The hair dryer. That’s what I kept. You know, because of The Rachel. Keep going with the interview. Everything is fine.

OK. Uh, I wanted to ask you where you thought your characters would be now.

Matthew Perry: The thing is, I just can’t get past it. If it was just one or two of you, maybe. But seeing all five of you, I feel like I’m back in the desert. I can almost see the heads. God help me, it’s eating me up inside.

Lisa Kudrow: Me too. I haven’t slept a wink in 10 years.

Courteney Cox: Monica’s a happy stay-at-home mom! She would probably have a catering business on the side though!

David Schwimmer, you’ve been very quiet. Any thoughts on where Ross and Rachel would be ten years later?

Jennifer Aniston: He doesn’t talk anymore.

David Schwimmer: [high pitched whine]

OK, something clearly went down between you six. Why don’t you get it off your chests?

Jennifer Aniston: Friends TV show questions only. What happened that night was not about the Friends TV show.

Matthew Perry: What happened that night was the opposite of the Friends TV show.

But -

Jennifer Aniston: Friends TV show questions only.

Matt LeBlanc: Friends TV show questions only.

Matthew Perry: Friends TV show questions only.

Lisa Kudrow: Friends TV show questions only.

David Schwimmer: [high pitched whine]

Fine. Do you think we’ll ever see that Friends movie America is clamoring for?

Matthew Perry: The night was May 6th, 2004. Friends had just aired its last episode ever and the six of us were high on the love of the nation for its last hit sitcom. We were gods, a pantheon of six, and Los Angeles was ours to bless or destroy. But things got out of hand and before we knew it we had dismembered a drifter in the Arizona desert.

Lisa Kudrow: As the sun rose and we came down from the angel dust, we looked at each other’s bloody hands and teeth and realized that Friends was truly off the air for good. Matthew tried to be like “Could we BE any more damned?” to lighten the mood, and it was hilarious, but too late. We knew the only way to keep our secret was to go our separate ways. We vowed that all six Friends would never be in the same room again. We kept that vow for ten years, but it wasn’t long enough.

Matt LeBlanc: We later learned that that drifter was the entire cast of Still Standing.

Matthew Perry: Are you happy, America? Are you happy? Here it is. Your precious Friends cast reunion. Wallow in the tepid high of your nostalgia. It’ll probably be in the top of the trending topics on Facebook tomorrow. Never mind that we will all be dead by then.

I know you love cast reunions, America. But some casts - some casts should never reunite.

I don’t see why you would all be dead. You could just turn yourselves in.

Jennifer Aniston: We. Will. All. Be. Dead.

Courteney Cox: Probably not since we’re all so busy, but never say never!

What?

Jennifer Aniston: She’s talking about a Friends movie.

David Schwimmer: [high pitched whine]

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