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September 11, 2008


As of Wednesday September 10th 4:27am Eastern Time the world as we know it still exists. At that time, near the Swiss Franco boarder buried up to 175 meters underground, the Large Hadron Collider was switched on sending a beam of bunched protons speeding around a 17 mile track approaching the speed of light, effectively "switching on" physicists across the globe. No devastation occured.

The goal of the 6.2 billion Euro international project is to baffle future archaeologists digging for clues from eras past. One scientist closely related to the project was quoted as saying "When we look at Stonehenge and contemplate the time and effort and resources it took to erect, and then study the possible reason it was constructed, or purpose it served, the scientific community thinks 'What the fuck?' We wanted our own Stonehenge. The LHC gives us that."

To future archaeologists the LHC will certainly look like an impossible irrational feat. Countries, who were once battling over the same ground it was built on, coming together and working for years to build, then bury, a large metal hula hoop, all without the aid of modern teleportation and auto-terraforming construction methods. Future scientists will theorize about the motives behind it's construction and will most likely chalk it up to ritualistic ceremonies praising the then misunderstood natural phenomenon, Oprah Winfrey.  

The scientist interviewed said that goal is obviously a long term one and for the time being they will attempt to collide the speeding protons in order to give the LHC that used worn look. He feels that Stonehenge wouldn't be so mysterious if it didn't have a few blemishes or a missing stone here and there.

When asked about the critics who still suggest that the LHC poses a serious threat to the continued existence of our universe he said this, "They better get their bitching out now because if this thing does cause a Black Hole or starts off another Big Bang you'd probably only have enough time to blame the neighbors for the loud ruckus before being swallowed up into oblivion."

 As the world stands back in aw of what it has accomplished one can only imagine the celebration that took place those millennia ago after that last stone settled into place and someone asked "That's it?"