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June 13, 2011

My fascination with table legs and small folk!

I have always had a strange apprehension about Little Folk.
You may call them dwarves, midgets, halfsies, table legs or
people who are of normal height for 300 BC. (How tall..er.. small
was a little person in Biblical days? Yikes!) I call them Little People.
Little People who make me shudder when they pop out from nowhere.
When I was in college in Texas there was a side of town with
a housing community expressly for little people.
(I kid you not!!!) 3/4 scale houses. Smaller sidewalks, street signs,
the whole 9.... er... 6 yards.
On my drunken 19th birthday, thanks to shots from some good friends
who for some reason I can not recall any of their names all these years later,
I was so graciously dumped passed out on one of these nice people's
lawn. Needless to say that with the strange voices from curious neighbors,
the fog (head and weather), and the not to scale world, I was at a loss.
In fact, when I was picked up (distraught to say the least) about 30 minutes later
(and luckily not by the police in a 3/4 sized car),
I was convinced that a Rod Serling appearance was only a moment away.

Now, I have always had one really good friend who was, in fact, a Little
Person. Mark B. He is also a perv, a drinker, a former BODY BUILDER,
a wealthy businessman and a hell of a good sport. (He infamously has be seen in
a photograph holding some naked woman on his shoulders at the Roselawn
Miss Nude World Contest shown on the pages of a National Men's Magazine....
and quite a number of viral emails.)
He had always wanted to get into show business but never wanted his size and stature
to be the reason for attention. So leave it to me to use his size and stature to my own fancy!
(Evil laugh..Mwaaaaaaaa)
I told him that before he could break into show business, he better get his feet wet in front
of the camera. So in 1993, I cast him in a small comedy piece I created for America's Funniest People.
Unedited for over 14 years (Hey! I got busy!) I now unveil this to you...


There are NO small actors... wait... there are small actors!