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August 08, 2017

Even the cutest little most wittle thing in the whole gosh darn world has a past and its not always kissy wissy face.


Jax, age 2

This adorable pupper is known for his long night snuggle and cuddle fests, but a couple months back he was known for something entirely different – breaking and entering. Jax was found illegally on the premises of a tuna factory after hours. No formal charges were pressed, although hundreds of dollars of canned tuna were missing. But, we forgive and forget. I mean, how could you stay mad at this cutie patootie?


Maddie, age 7

This best pal loves to lick peanut butter off of a spoon - but it hasn’t always been that way. Four years ago, this doggo savagely ate a rabbit. Her owner found Maddie chomping down on the lower half of a rabbit carcass in their carport. Horrifyingly enough, the rabbit’s head was found months later in the nursery room closet. That face, though :)


Toochie, age 3

This pupper thinks she is a snow bunny! So cute! What’snot so cute are the large quantities of “snow” she helped transport from the United States to Canada in 2016. Toochie alone moved 137 pounds of uncut cocaine during an 11 month period over the Canadian border. But hey, she is literally the definition of lovable.


Bear, age 9

This pupper is a ball of joy – ready at a moment’s notice for a quick tussle in the grass. Back in the day, however, Bear didn’t have time for anyone. He was a head writer on the show Lost, which demanded most of his time. And yes, he wrote the final episode of lost – wasting six years of the show’s viewer’s lives. Come on though, don’t you wanna just nestle up with him?!?


Billabong, age 10

If you have a ball, you have a best friend. Billabong lives for playing catch - gleefully running from one side of the park to the other.But, he didn’t always. He used to live for Islador – the supreme being Billabong’s now defunct cult was based around. After many years in court, the federal government dropped fraud and embezzlement charges against Billabong due to a lack of evidence. But truly, who cares? Look at this happy smile!!!


Dadger, age 16

This old boy loves long winter naps and cozy couches. He is often mistaken for an extra-large body pillow, but hey, no one is complaining.Conversely, in his younger days, this doggo enjoyed the rush of dealing in the illegal organ trade circuit of the Caribbean seas. Dadger is wanted for questioning by the Policia Nacional Nicaraguense for possible involvement in over 500 homicides, but omg look at those eyes! I can’t.