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October 03, 2016
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"Clearly I’m an idiot who hasn’t figured out how to game the system like smart Mr. Trump and that is good for the economy I guess!"

This past weekend, an anonymous source leaked Donald Trump’s 1995 tax returns to the New York Times, which claim a 916 million dollar loss, exempting him from federal income taxes for the subsequent eighteen years. This very well may mean that Trump hasn’t paid income taxes since 1995 as opposed to, let’s say, me, who paid over two thousand dollars in taxes on less than 25,000 dollars of income last year alone. And I think that’s freaking awesome.

Look, Donald Trump is a self-made billionaire. And by “self-made” I mean an already rich person who was given a multi-million dollar loan by his father to continue in the family business. And by “billionaire” I mean someone who says he’s a billionaire but literally has released no paperwork to prove this. And why should he have to release documents to the public? That would give him less time to force other people to release documents to the public, which is what being a leader is all about.

He’s a businessman, and if a businessman can’t lie about how much money he makes to cheat the system for all it’s worth then I don’t know if I think businessmen are cool anymore.

Me? I’m a self-made woman in a very respectable amount of credit card debt. I can’t possibly understand the complex decisions that drive a beautiful mind like Trump’s, just as I’m sure he can’t understand having a complete mental breakdown in your friend’s living room when you realize Bank of America is NOT going to back down on the two overdraft fees they charged you when your rent was due and your employer failed to cut your check.

I think it’s pretty cool that our president doesn’t need to be distracted by the petty concerns of being poor and following the rules!

Look, I’m a single person with absolutely NO dependents, so paying taxes, is really easy for me even though I spent most of last year mostly talking about how I didn’t know how I was going to continue to eat and live! I don’t have to worry about literally feeding my children because the only person who’s going to suffer the repercussions of my financial burden is me. And I was able to pay an accountant to help me file my return (even though my credit card was literally rejected when my accountant tried to run it and I did have to Venmo him a week later) so you know some dumbass suckers who can’t afford help with our extremely confusing tax code got stiffed even more. And that’s great.

Clearly I’m an idiot who hasn’t figured out how to game the system like smart Mr. Trump, and that is good for the economy I guess!

And look, I’m happy that a sizeable portion of my income can go towards supporting things like policemen and firefighters–things Donald Trump says he loves! That helps legitimize his law and order rhetoric, which is an amazing honor. Through my taxes I’ve also been able to support the schools, roads, highways, libraries, and all the other shit that the democrats did a really bad job maintaining while Donald Trump was running around like the Albert Fucking Einstein of the U.S. tax code, kicking ass and taking refunds!

THIS PROVES HE SHOULD BE PRESIDENT!

At the end of the day, this is the America I want to live in: an America where a wealthy businessman who eats KFC on private jets while his sons are safely abroad killing tigers owes freaking ZIP to the damn feds, and where a family struggling to make ends meet have to make big sacrifices in order to afford their taxes!

Sincerely,

A Woman Whose Credit Card Was Once Denied at a Grocery Store

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