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Published April 08, 2013

 

Hey PETA,

Thank You! 

When I sank my nest egg into the purchase of 100,000 domain names, I honestly didn't think deaddogdumpster.com would perform. Honestly, it seemed like that domain name was poison. I don't get it, but people seem to love animals and hate dumpsters. But your recent scandal brought the two together and whipped up the kind of frenzied domain acquisition spree that makes the whole cybersquatting business what it is. Everyone I've spoken to is excited about the possibilities for deaddogdumpster.com. I think I even got a bid from PETA! (I guess you want a webpage where you can share photos of animal corpses as motivation or whatever). 

I want to add that I support your systemic slaughter of animals. As a man who has been betrayed by animals, I don't trust animals either. I always felt bad for feeling that way, but if the People for the Ethical Treat of Animals are cool with maintaining a festering dumpster full of rotting animal corpses, I can't be that bad of a guy.

With all that said, I fear that you guys are missing out on a real money making opportunity here. Consider opening a hunting range. Charge folks $5 a head to hunt down feral and mistreated pets. More if you get some exotic lab animals (glowing monkeys or gorillas with shark teeth. Whatever you got). 

Also, maybe instead of throwing cats in a garbage bag and calling it a day, you could, like, make a fur blanket for the homeless or something. It's cool if you just want to kill them just to feel the life leave their bodies, but, call me crazy (wouldn't be the first time), maybe you can use their body parts to make things that people and animals can use: water bowls made of dried cat scalps, or, like, a heavy metal violin with cat-gut strings and a dog's head on it somewhere. You could even make a dumpster out of dog bones, and then post about it on deaddogdumpster.com!

I know ya'll are vegans, but a lot of people aren't. Take the meat and ship it off to Eastern Europe or something. Seriously. They are desperate for meat over there. Just avoid the EU inspectors; they started testing for dog & cat in meatballs. 

God bless!

 

Corey Blanchett

CEO

Deaddogdumpster.com 

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