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Published April 14, 2009 More Info »
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Published April 14, 2009

Funniest thing happened to me this morning...my alarm went off and I got up begrudgingly...like everyone...don't we all get up unwillingly? Except those happy, cheery morning people...but I'm suspicious of them...all cheery and rubbing it in our face that you're not...forcing things like coffee on you....too much pressure after that dream that I wanted to continue...yeah, you know the ones...why is it that those always get cut short and those nightmarish ones never seem to end no matter how you try? 

So anyway, I get up and like every human I go into the bathroom and I turn on the light and I look in the mirror and I notice something I have never seen before...My heavens!! I'm human....I've got flesh and bones and hair and teeth and.... 

Speaking of teeth, how bad is it in our mouths now...remember a few years back when we learned that we didn't JUST have bad breath, but we also had GINGIVITIS...well, apparently, we now have PLAQUE BUGS!! Ewwww....who came up with THAT one....? Dental hygiene is better now then at any time in
history, but hey!! we got plaque bugs we gotta fight now.

So I'm looking at myself and realizing my humanity...how funny is that? Imean, after reading my cellular phone bill, my electric bill and some other bills, well, these companies nowadays got me believing that I'm a machine...AN ATM MACHINE!! Have you ever read your bills? I mean line item by line item?? It's getting absolutely ridiculous...out of control, I tell ya.

It makes things impossible to budget anymore. For instance, on a cellular phone plan, they tell you it will cost something like $39.99 a month....so you make a note in your budget for the $39.99 then get the bill...$52.00...what happened? Fees happened!!You have your regular phone bill charges...then the charges for the overages 'cause who actually stays under their minutes each month....that's how they get ya...then you have the phone company charges...like the federal universal service fee and the administrative charge and the regulatory charge (huh?....isn't the cost of the administrative overhead figured into the foundation price??? apparently not...) and then you have your federal fees....the 911 fee, the high cost fund fee, the teleconnect fund surcharge, the lifeline surcharge...hey, I'm gonna need a lifeline if they keep on adding these charges....oh, wait....something's wrong with my mouth...maphsoihsdfa weohasdfh well, whaddya know....?

There goes another $20 for something that's definitely not contributing to my life, liberty and pursuit of happiness...don't even get me started on bank and tax charges....But hey, I was always taught that God loves a cheerful giver, so I was thinking that maybe I'll just get the jump on my bills and so I decided
that this next month, I'm just gonna have the most hilarious time writing out all my bills...maybe even do things like pay the electric company in cash...well not so much cash as precious metal...you know, the
kind that has a picture of Lincoln on it made from copper and zinc...that would sure make me cheerful...watching the expression on the clerk's face as I dumped all those pennies on the counter....and watching how aggravated she is having to spend her time counting out all of them in front of me before marking my bill paid...even better the great lines of agitation from the line piling up behind me for havin g
to make them wait....now that...that would liven up my life, free me from my burden of corporate invasion and let me pursue some small measure of happiness. See, pennies from heaven...

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