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Published November 04, 2008 More Info ยป
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Published November 04, 2008

Oh, the data, the data! Get ready to spend all afternoon listening to various statistics and polling data that will ultimately prove nobody knows a damn thing about statistics and polling data.

Forget the predictably unpredictable exit polls. We conducted our own survey of voters and collected some real data:

  • Left the polling station and had a sudden panic attack that they ?accidentally voted for the wrong guy: 61%
  • Took lewd photos of themselves in the voting booth: 10%
  • Were undecided until receiving message from God at second they stepped into booth: 16%
    • Percentage of that group who voted for McCain: 100%

  • Were named "Mickey Mouse": 23%
  • Saw their neighbor, Mr. Jimmy Liberal, vote for McCain: 18%
  • Looked at a black voter and tried to say "I"m voting for your guy" with their eyes: 94%
  • Wept openly: 65%

  • Lied to a pollster: 99%
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Related: Issues Watch: The Levi-Bristol Marriage

        <p class="fRelated"><strong> Previously:</strong> <a href="">Election Day, when America pretends that every vote counts</a></p>

        <p class="fRelated"><strong> From the Room:</strong> <a href="">Breaking! McCain Concedes</a></p>