Porn to Be Wild from issue #21 of Savage Henry Magazine

Dutch Savage, photo editor

Here's my list of movies I should have never rented. Movies with titles that tricked me into thinking I was getting a porno:

“SHAFT” - Handsome black dude with a mustache and an afro named Richard Roundtree under the words SHAFT spells great porn to me. Porno soundtrack without any real fucking really threw me for a loop.

“SPACE BALLS” - Cheap Star Wars parody with lousy acting, mediocre costumes and cardboard sets yet no Leia Princess in the whole movie.

“DICK” - This movie sucks! (Get it?)

“DRIVING MISS DAISY” - I obviously thought this was going to be an elderly interracial ROMP of a film, but again no fucking in a sexy sense.

“THE COLOR PURPLE”- Now that I saw Oprah in "The Color Purple" I am ready to see "The Color Purple" in Oprah!

“BIG” - I don't know, I guess I jumped to conclusions.

“DIE HARD” - Not a film about an eternal boner, but close.

“FIRST BLOOD” - I was hoping to see a heartwarming tale of a young girl coming of age with lots of raunchy sex but instead I got a retarded bum taking on the pigs in the pacific northwest, I beated off anyways.

“EASY RIDER” - Peter Fonda? Hey I'm kinda fond'a peter myself!

“THE BLACK STALLION” - I turned it off way early when I saw the horse, I'm not into that shit man.