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June 29, 2009

An Inconvenient Truth is a 2006 documentary by former United States Vice President Al Gore about the threat of global warming.

The film deals with the disastrous effects we humans are having on the earth, including the continuing erosion of the ozone layer, the melting of the polar ice caps, and all the cigarette butts and empty beer cans left behind at Lynyrd Skynyrd concerts.

With that in mind, I’d like to take this opportunity to talk about another documentary that you might not be aware of: Life After People.

Life After People is a documentary series on the History Channel which shows us not what might happen, but what will happen to the earth once the human race is gone. And let me tell you one thing -- Mother Nature always wins in the end.

According to Life After People, cities will crumble, vegetation will run wild, and tigers will mate with every living mammal imaginable, creating the new specie of Liger, as hypothesized by Napoleon Dynamite in the movie Napoleon Dynamite, as well as the Polar Tiger seen below.

The only monuments left standing as proof of our existence will be Mount Rushmore, the Great Wall of China, and a McDonald’s off exit 4 on the New Jersey Turnpike.

The point of all this is Mother Nature is a vicious bitch who will kill you if she gets the chance. And because of that, it is our duty as mankind’s only hope to kill her before she kills us. So go ahead and throw crumpled-up fast food bags out your car as you’re speeding down the highway. Go ahead and bury old car batteries and cans of used oil in your backyard. And by all means, go ahead and crank the AC in your home as high as you can at night so you sleep in comfort like I do. Just because Al Gore likes being all hot and sweaty when he sleeps doesn't mean we have to, too.