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Published May 27, 2008

In 1998, my great grandmother was very ill with the West Nile Virus.  Mosquitoes and fruit flies had attacked my great grandmother and left large painful welps all over her body,  and she itched all over.  After watching 60 minutes, she saw Dr. Jack Kervorkian and insisted I contact him about euthanasia.  I finally was able to contact Dr. Jack Kervorkian and was able to convince him to come euthanize my grandmother before she passed calmly in her sleep of old age.  Dr. Kervorkian flew into South Carolina and my great grandmother must have liked him because she started sucking Dr. Kervorkian off.  She sucked him off right in front of me and 13 family members.  My grandmother then refused to be euthanized and began bragging to anyone that would listen that “I sucked Dr. Death off.”

I started to dawn on me that my great grandmother was not that great.

About 2 years later, she would call Dr. Kervorkian and beg to be euthanized for a 2nd time.  This time, her wish was granted.

I was to arrange crematory arrangements, so I contacted Tri-State Crematory in Noble, Ga . I arranged  a ride with a friend in his mini van and we took my dead great grandmother to the crematory and were told to pass time, so we went to eat at “The Bloody Bucket,” in Noble, Ga, for which I ordered ham. We returned later to the crematory to see if they were done,  and then we took home what I thought was my great grandmother’s remains.

I then drove to Edisto Beach, SC , where she left a last will and testament to have her remains scattered. I got so really fucked up drunk and high on pot, that I forgot to scatter her. I really like to drive when I get fucked up, so I drove all the way to Barnwell, SC before I realized I had forgot to scatter my great grandmother’s remains.  I stopped at a pond  to scatter her remains, which after I dumped them, I realized that it was an oxidation pond, full of piss from dick holes, shit and feces from assholes all across Barnwell, SC.

For years, I punished myself for that mistake until I was contacted by an attorney that awarded me just over $225, 000 in a lawsuit for the victims of this tragedy.  He informed me that this crematory was not cremating bodies, but dumping them on nearby land.

I am not sure that I am suppose to go get her remains or not.

Before then, I never believe in miracles, other than the US Hockey Team defeating Russia.

Now, I believe in miracles.

God bless each and everyone of you,

Jordan F**king Zeh

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