Oh my gosh, honey, did you hear? The Zoolander 2 teaser trailer has been released, and you forgot your sister’s birthday!
The trailer had been leaked before officially being released, but was taken down really quickly, so your father and I didn’t see it, just like how you didn’t see the look of disappointment on your only sister’s face when you didn’t show up for her birthday lunch.
The teaser starts with a Stephen Hawking-esque voice over talking about human evolution; unlike your sister’s birthday lunch, which started with your father, Debbie and I talking about what we could have done to deserve being ignored by you.
Can you believe it’s been 14 years since the first Zoolander? And three weeks since we were last we able to reach you? Are you and Angela still together? Like how Ben Stiller and Christina Taylor are still married? Did you know Christina is returning in Zoolander 2 as Matilda Jeffries but you can’t seem to return our phone calls. It’s crazy how some people can be married and worked together, like Ben and Christina, while other people can’t even remember their only sister’s birthday, or call his parents.
Please call us, son. We love you. And we can’t wait for Zoolander 2.