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March 26, 2012

First article from "The Fakest News", the army has made a questionable mistake with their tanks. Vehicles have mysteriously disappeared. Can they fix it?


A military blunder?  It seems so.  Reports were released yesterday that the army made a huge tactical error on the training ground after losing 3 high tech, highly dangerous tanks in an intense training session.  The session was conducted with the goal of training soldiers on techniques for finding and dismantling dangerous tanks often used by the enemy.  All of this was in response to recent threats from countries including Luxembourg, New Guinea, and Detroit.  Much to the dismay of the army captains, however, the tanks were never found by the soldiers since they had been recently painted camouflage and the leaders of the exercise had forgotten where they placed them.  These tanks could be deadly if they fall into the wrong hands such as Al-Qaeda, Hamas, or Chuck Norris.  The government is coming down hard on the military asking tough questions like "Where's the last place you saw them?" and making biting comments, including "Well, they didn't just get up and walk away."  Military officials claim that the real problem is the camouflage paint, which we have learned, enables the tanks to "blend into their surroundings."    Officials then learned that they would be grounded by the government for two weeks or until they found the missing tanks.  In response military officials stormed off to their rooms, slammed the doors, and refused to come out until they were 40 (despite many of them already being over age 40).  We hope that this catastrophe in the making can be resolved before it is made into a Steven Spielberg production, though some of our editors are hoping it remains unresolved in anticipation of a great film.