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Did you hear what he said? President Barack Hussein Obama was overheard speaking with Russian President Dmitry “Club Med” Medvedev in Seoul. An open mike caught the President saying, “This is my last election. And after my election, I have more flexibility”. Whoa, hold up a second! Did he just say that? No way did he just say that! It’s obvious what they are talking about, isn’t it? Come November, if-re-elected, President Obama is planning on caving on missile defense and in turn pretty much giving the Russians the very opportunity they need to destroy us! Obama is a spoon-feeder of doom! What else could he be talking about in terms of “flexibility”? Not yoga, that’s for sure. It’s a well known fact the President is bad at yoga. If President Obama is re-elected, 2012 will indeed be the end of the world. Forget the Mayans, I think Obama paid the Mayans off so that their end-of-the-world scheme would distract people while he did the real puppet work.

This was not the only frightening, alarming, or pants-crapping development of the day, though. That Obama’s got loose lips, and loose lips SINK SHIPS. So unless you never want to go on a luxury cruise of knowledge again, we cannot re-elect Obama. You’re not even going to BELIEVE some of the other crazy quotes he dropped that day.

 

QUOTE: “I’m still pushing really hard to get the affordable health care act through. Why shouldn’t all Americans be entitled to the same health benefits, regardless of socio-economic status?”

TRANSLATION: “I have an ulterior motive, obviously. My plan is to give everyone free health care, making the doctors so busy that they will run out of supplies and tongue depressors, so then NOBODY can have ANY health care. It will be an easy way of weeding out the weak ones.”

 

QUOTE: “Everything I do, I do for my country. I act in the best interests of the American people, always.”

TRANSLATION: “Need a fake birth certificate? I know a guy.”

 

QUOTE: “My wife and daughters? They’re great, thanks. I couldn’t be luckier.”

TRANSLATION: “I’m not related to them, I won them in a carnival game, thinking they would help my nice-guy image. Don’t get the wrong idea, though, they are robots. In truth, I run the gambit so hard, that Newt Gingrich’s extra-marital affairs pale in comparison. He’s not such a bad guy compared to me.”

 

QUOTE: “I will have the chicken, I guess.”

TRANSLATION: Barely one needed. Uh, how about, “Yes, I am a spineless Democrat who got where I am today by betrayal and deceit! I am a chicken who eats other chickens. I, Barack Obama, am not just a socialist and a Marxist, but a cannibal! I am bad at making decisions or committing to anything!”

 

QUOTE: “That’s a good one. I am going to have to write it down, so I don’t forget.”

TRANSLATION: “The stress of being President is toooooo much for meeeeeee! Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and forget my own name. All that cocaine must’ve messed with me somehow! I frequently forget where I put my pants! I am just going to phone it in ‘til November. Hmm. Where should I write down that thing that I said I was going to write down? How about in my agenda? My SOCIALIST agenda! Wocka wocka!”

 

QUOTE: “Get a chance to catch “The Artist” yet? We watched it on Air Force One, and I loved it.”

TRANSLATION: “The late 1920s were so awesome. I think financial depressions are funny, which is why I caused this one. All problems can be solved by dancing. I have a leg up on most politicians in that department. White politicians are bad at dancing. They will never understand it.”

 

QUOTE: “Where’s the washroom?”

TRANSLATION: “....BECAUSE I WANT TO BLOW UP THE WASHROOM!”

 

QUOTE: “They are out of paper towels in the washroom. Somebody should tell somebody.”

TRANSLATION: “CHOP DOWN THE RAINFOREST.”

 

QUOTE: “Hey, he’s cute. What’s his name?”

TRANSLATION: “I AM GOING TO EAT THIS PUPPY.”

 

QUOTE: “Whew, what a day. Let me just turn this microphone off. It clicked off, I think. Only you understand me , my mirror. Damn, Barry, you are a handsome fellow. I wish I could marry you. Just wait, a few more months and the plot to bring America to its knees will be complete. Then they will respect me, they have no choice but to respect me when the other option is being thrown into a pit of lava.”

TRANSLATION: Obama is gay! 

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