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Published August 21, 2010 More Info »
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Published August 21, 2010
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The Red Resort

Marilyn, an Account Executive for a pharmaceutical company, is sitting in her office going over sales reports when she suddenly feels the first pangs of what she believes to be the beginning of that time of the month.  She lays the reports on her desk and reaches into the top left-hand drawer and takes out her iPhone.  She flips through her apps until she finds her “tracker” and clicks on its icon.  The app opens to display that she has zero days left before her next cycle begins.  A little stunned, she thinks to herself, “ I did wake up this morning feeling like I’d been hit by a fucking freight train and I have been rather annoyed at every single person who even attempted communication with me this morning…maybe it’s time.”

 
Instead of being upset, angry and completely disgruntled at the inconvenience of having her period, Marilyn has a spring to her step as she skips off to the restroom hoping to find the proof she needs to go to the Red Resort.

 

Marilyn returns from the restroom with a big smile on her face.  She takes the red flag out from her office closet and displays it at her office door.  She then sends her husband a text message with a red flag icon in order to let him know that he will be on his own with the children for the next three to five days.  She grabs her purse and walks out of her office and down the hall to the elevator.  At the elevator, she finds Carolyn, one of the company’s Benefits Specialists.  She notices that Carolyn had pushed the “down” button and so she asks, “Early lunch, appointment, or Red Resort?”

 

 Carolyn turns toward Marilyn with a grin the size of Texas on her face and says “Red Resort, you?” 

 

Marilyn happily responds, “ Yep.  I can’t wait.  This time I’m partaking in yoga, sound therapy and a hot stone massage.  Have you tried the sound therapy? I hear it is unbelievable.”

 

“No, I haven’t tried that yet, but I have a friend that swears by it.  I just usually lock myself away in my room the first two days and catch up on sleep and watch my favorite romantic comedies while eating the house dark chocolate fudge.” Carolyn says.

 

The elevator doors open and the ladies step inside and continue their conversation about their favorite Red Resort activities.  As they walk out of the office together they say their goodbyes and wish each other a great red time.

 

Carolyn lives in Madison County so she will be going to that county’s red resort, whereas Marilyn lives in Hayden County so she will be on her way to her county’s red resort. 

 

Marilyn arrives at her destination about thirty minutes later and is greeted at the door by one of the lovely Red Resort staffers.  She is handed a basket at the door with an envelope on top that contains her room number, room key and activity schedule for the week.  Her basket contains a pair of ubber soft elastic waist pants in organic cotton, a fluffy pair of matching slippers, a luxurious terry robe, and box of Red Resort Dark Chocolate Fudge. 

 

Marilyn makes her way to her room, sets her things down and takes the box of fudge to her balcony overlooking a beautiful pond.  She sits down in the rocking chair and opens her box of chocolate and takes out a couple of pieces.  She sits on her balcony rocking and eating chocolate and thinks back to the election of three years past. 

 

During that election, there was a strong push by the male population to overturn the Red Laws.  Two very unfit fathers started the movement with a book where they claimed that if women wanted to continue to receive equal rights that those same women should give up what they called Red Privileges and act like men.  This thought, in and of itself, made Marilyn laugh and it started a soapbox in her head:  What man wanted a woman to act like him anyway?  Do the men want us to scratch our crotches? Moan like babies when we are sick? Do they want us to go out in the world and make money and then come home and just sit on our asses like they do?  Do those men have any idea what would happen to the state of the world if women started acting like men?  Even in homosexual relationships there is a more feminine partner and a more masculine partner.  These guys have no idea what would happen if women just suddenly stopped being women!  Who would take care of the kids? Who would clean the house? Who would go to the grocery store? Who would cook dinner every night? Who would voluntarily have sex with them? And do they really want us to start farting like them?  The whole world would seriously come to a standstill.

 

Marilyn shuddered at the thought of actually having to go through her period while keeping up with all of her work, mother and wife duties.  Marilyn thought about how on her first day she was so tired and out of it that she was practically comatose.  She couldn’t work in those conditions and she certainly didn’t need to be driving or cooking and the intense nausea made it impossible to give her husband a decent blowjob.   Then you have to add the cramps, the bloating, the irritability, the headaches, the backaches, the throwing up, the peeing every five minutes and all the crying.  Why those men couldn’t see that there was a very justifiable reason women had “red privileges” was beyond her.

 

Thankfully, the men came to their senses.  It was actually the strangest political phenomenon to date.  There had been public meetings and media press conferences and televised debates all focusing on the over throw of the Red Laws and it looked very bleak for the female race for quite some time.  Men all over the country were expected to show up at the poles on election day and vote to over turn the Red Laws, but come election day not one man voted.

 

Marilyn isn’t sure how the other women did it, but she definitely knows what she told her husband that frightful night and he’s never said a word about it since.

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