The Red Resort
Marilyn, an Account Executive for a pharmaceutical company, is sitting in her office going over sales reports
when she suddenly feels the first pangs of what she believes to be the
beginning of that time of the month.
She lays the reports on her desk and reaches into the top left-hand
drawer and takes out her iPhone.
She flips through her apps until she finds her “tracker” and clicks on
its icon. The app opens to
display that she has zero days left before her next cycle begins. A little stunned, she thinks to
herself, “ I did wake up this morning feeling like I’d been hit by a fucking
freight train and I have been rather annoyed at every single person who even
attempted communication with me this morning…maybe it’s time.”
Instead of being upset,
angry and completely disgruntled at the inconvenience of having her period,
Marilyn has a spring to her step as she skips off to the restroom hoping to
find the proof she needs to go to the Red Resort.
Marilyn returns from the
restroom with a big smile on her face.
She takes the red flag out from her office closet and displays it at her
office door. She then sends her
husband a text message with a red flag icon in order to let him know that he
will be on his own with the children for the next three to five days. She grabs her purse and walks out of
her office and down the hall to the elevator. At the elevator, she finds Carolyn, one of the company’s
Benefits Specialists. She notices
that Carolyn had pushed the “down” button and so she asks, “Early lunch,
appointment, or Red Resort?”
Carolyn turns toward Marilyn with a grin
the size of Texas on her face and says “Red Resort, you?”
Marilyn happily responds,
“ Yep. I can’t wait. This time I’m partaking in yoga, sound
therapy and a hot stone massage.
Have you tried the sound therapy? I hear it is unbelievable.”
“No, I haven’t tried that
yet, but I have a friend that swears by it. I just usually lock myself away in my room the first two
days and catch up on sleep and watch my favorite romantic comedies while eating
the house dark chocolate fudge.” Carolyn says.
The elevator doors open
and the ladies step inside and continue their conversation about their favorite
Red Resort activities. As they
walk out of the office together they say their goodbyes and wish each other a
great red time.
Carolyn lives in Madison
County so she will be going to that county’s red resort, whereas Marilyn lives
in Hayden County so she will be on her way to her county’s red resort.
Marilyn arrives at her
destination about thirty minutes later and is greeted at the door by one of the
lovely Red Resort staffers. She is
handed a basket at the door with an envelope on top that contains her room
number, room key and activity schedule for the week. Her basket contains a pair of ubber soft elastic waist pants
in organic cotton, a fluffy pair of matching slippers, a luxurious terry robe,
and box of Red Resort Dark Chocolate Fudge.
Marilyn makes her way to
her room, sets her things down and takes the box of fudge to her balcony
overlooking a beautiful pond. She
sits down in the rocking chair and opens her box of chocolate and takes out a
couple of pieces. She sits on her
balcony rocking and eating chocolate and thinks back to the election of three
During that election,
there was a strong push by the male population to overturn the Red Laws. Two very unfit fathers started the
movement with a book where they claimed that if women wanted to continue to
receive equal rights that those same women should give up what they called Red
Privileges and act like men. This
thought, in and of itself, made Marilyn laugh and it started a soapbox in her
head: What man wanted a woman to
act like him anyway? Do the men
want us to scratch our crotches? Moan like babies when we are sick? Do they
want us to go out in the world and make money and then come home and just sit
on our asses like they do? Do
those men have any idea what would happen to the state of the world if women
started acting like men? Even in
homosexual relationships there is a more feminine partner and a more masculine
partner. These guys have no idea
what would happen if women just suddenly stopped being women! Who would take care of the kids? Who
would clean the house? Who would go to the grocery store? Who would cook dinner
every night? Who would voluntarily have sex with them? And do they really want
us to start farting like them? The
whole world would seriously come to a standstill.
Marilyn shuddered at the
thought of actually having to go through her period while keeping up with all
of her work, mother and wife duties.
Marilyn thought about how on her first day she was so tired and out of
it that she was practically comatose.
She couldn’t work in those conditions and she certainly didn’t need to
be driving or cooking and the intense nausea made it impossible to give her
husband a decent blowjob.
Then you have to add the cramps, the bloating, the irritability, the
headaches, the backaches, the throwing up, the peeing every five minutes and
all the crying. Why those men
couldn’t see that there was a very justifiable reason women had “red privileges” was
Thankfully, the men came
to their senses. It was actually
the strangest political phenomenon to date. There had been public meetings and media press conferences
and televised debates all focusing on the over throw of the Red Laws and it
looked very bleak for the female race for quite some time. Men all over the country were expected
to show up at the poles on election day and vote to over turn the Red Laws, but
come election day not one man voted.
Marilyn isn’t sure how
the other women did it, but she definitely knows what she told her husband that
frightful night and he’s never said a word about it since.