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August 03, 2016
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Trump is a barely literate orange turd with the attention span of a brain-damaged mosquito and maybe that is exactly what we've earned.

The past few weeks have raised serious question about Donald Trump’s character and judgement. Between bashing DNC speakers, insulting the parents of a slain Marine, and ragging on a baby, things look pretty bleak.

As Americans, we have to ask ourselves: is Trump the president our beautiful American democracy deserves? And the answer is … honestly, yes.

Trump sucks metaphorical balls (and has probably sucked a few literal balls too – you don’t build a casino in Atlantic City without getting teabagged by a Gotti or two). And unfortunately, so does America. Do you have any idea of where we rank in math and science globally? Probably not, because numbers are confusing.

Also, most Americans are not registered to vote. These dumbasses can’t even get off their stupid, round asses to fill out a goddamn form. Granted, our trash elections system makes it impossible for some people to register to vote if they’re poor, black, or have been in jail, which is patently racist. So I’d say a barely-disguised white supremacist is exactly the leader our systemic racism deserves. Very cool.

Trump has most likely never finished a book–neither have most Americans. Trump is a reality TV star–Americans frigging love reality TV. Trump has bad hair–have you been to the Mall of America on a Tuesday?

Trump is a barely literate orange turd with the attention span of a brain-damaged mosquito. And that might be just what we fucking deserve right now.

So this fall, when we might just bring upon a post-apocalyptic nightmare through our own shortsightedness, just take comfort in this fact: Trump is exactly the leader we deserve.

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