Donald Trump says that he is still “not convinced” that President Obama
is actually a natural-born U.S. citizen despite having recently gone
back in time to witness the President’s birth in 1961.
The unusual trip took place last Thursday when the thrice-bankrupted
real estate developer and reality TV star was addressing the Cleveland
chapter of Crack Whores For Jesus, a group that frequently endorses
conservative political candidates. Trump has indicated that he may seek
the Republican nomination for President next year.
“I have yet to see conclusive evidence,” said Trump to the whores,
“Believe me, I hope he is telling the truth, but I have doubts. If he
doesn’t show the real certificate, it’s time for America to tell Mr.
Obama, ‘You’re fired.’” As the pious prostitutes erupted in applause,
odd sounds were heard along with a scattering of loose paper on the
stage of the Jim Brown Auditorium behind where trump stood, followed by a
brilliant flash of light. When the light faded, the crowd of Christian
rent-a-cunts were surprised to see a modified DeLorean automobile on the
stage behind a dumbfounded Trump, with Dr. Emmett “Doc” Brown, a Hill
Valley, California-based scientist known for his time travel experiments
at the wheel.
The wide-eyed, disheveled-looking scientist then encouraged Trump to get
into the passenger seat if he wanted to “find the truth about the
President’s geographic point of entry on this planetary sphere.” Despite
his initial skepticism, the crowd of ecclesiastical hatchet-wounds
chanting “Go! Go!” convinced Trump to enter the vehicle, which then
lifted off the stage, then hovered for a moment before taking off above
the crowd and disappearing in another flash of light.
the DeLorean enters Honolulu airspace
According to Doc Brown, the two landed in Honolulu and proceeded to
Kapi’olani Maternity & Gynecological Hospital. They entered the
maternity ward disguised as clowns who were there to entertain children.
“The original plan was to pretend to be physicians,” said Brown in an
interview with Outatime Online magazine, “but a nurse commented that we
both certainly had the hair and clothes for clowning, so we used a
little facepaint from Trump’s makeup case and went with that.”
Brown went on to say that not only did they confirm through the hospital
that Ms. Obama was about to give birth, they entered the delivery room
and watched it happen. After the future President was born, Trump was
even allowed to hold the newborn baby for a short time. Trump and Brown
were later present when the future President’s birth certificate was
After returning to the current time, Trump said in a press conference
that he doesn’t dispute Brown’s account of their trip, but remains
unconvinced that his experience proves that Obama was born in Hawaii.
“A child named Barack Hussein Obama II born to a white American mother
and a Kenyan father in Kapi’olani Maternity & Gynecological Hospital
in Honolulu, Hawaii on August 4, 1961 is very different from proof that
Obama was born in the U.S.,” said Trump who, according to several press
observers, crossed his fingers before saying this. “I still want to see
the birth certificate.”
Trump and baby Obama, soon after the birth he isn't sure happened.
When a reporter pointed out that both he and Doc Brown were present at
the creation of the birth certificate, he shrugged and said, “Well,
there’s no proof that he was that
Barack Hussein Obama II born to
a white American mother and a Kenyan father in Kapi’olani Maternity
& Gynecological Hospital in Honolulu, Hawaii on August 4, 1961.”
Soon after the press conference, Brown was informed of Trump’s comments
in a telephone interview by an APPP reporter, who wrote that Doc Brown
then shouted, “Great Scott! There’s only one thing for me to do!” When
the reporter asked what that was, Doc said, “I have to go back to 1945,”
and then hung up.
The same reporter spoke with Trump in person a few hours later. “The
Contender” star Trump said that although he admired Brown and enjoyed
their trip together that he “can’t exactly take a guy like that too
seriously,” because of his odd behavior. “Doesn’t he talk and act like
he’s not entirely in touch with reality?” Trump said to the reporter. “I
mean, look at the guy’s hair.”
The reporter said that Trump, who was born in 1946, then began to “slowly fade away into thin air.”