Full Credits

Stats & Data

77Funny
87Die
9,339
Views
July 15, 2015
Published
Description

By looking at NASA's newly released Pluto nudes you are complicit in a culture of violence that takes ownership of celestial bodies away from the planets themselves.

This week, after a nine-year journey, the New Horizons spacecraft completed its historic flyby of Pluto. NASA officials are currently sorting through the wealth of data and photographs of the celebrity dwarf planet captured by the probe, and sharing their findings with the public. While many are celebrating this as a milestone in our understanding of our solar system, I urge you to look at it for what it is: a disgusting invasion of Pluto’s privacy.

This is why I’m not looking at the Pluto nudes … and neither should you.

new horizons probe.jpg

NASA’s pervy New Horizons probe, launched with the specific intent of gathering naked pictures of Pluto.

While it may be tempting to sate your curiosity and rush off to google to pour over the collection of hi-res, fully nude photographs of Pluto, I urge you to reconsider. Imagine if Pluto were your own beloved planet. Imagine if you were Pluto. Would you want millions of strangers drooling over close-ups of your bare craggy surface? I’d venture to say the answer is an emphatic “no.”

Pluto was floating naked, in privacy, until NASA perverts shoved a camera right into its orbit under the guise of “scientific discovery.” Pluto’s choice to orbit the sun au naturel isn’t an invitation to be photographed without consent and passed around the internet like some piece of meat. We don’t own Pluto. These extremely revealing nudes were never ours to take.

There will surely be those that argue that if Pluto didn’t want people seeing these photos, it shouldn’t have been floating silently in its birthday suit in the vacuum of space, a mere 3 billion–mile journey away from Earth. That’s victim blaming through and through. The only one that has the right to share images of Pluto’s exposed surface of methane, nitrogen, and ice is Pluto. Period.

Sure, NASA is largely to blame for the leak, but by looking at the Pluto nudes you are complicit in a culture of violence that takes ownership of celestial bodies away from the planets themselves. It’s time to take a stand. #SayNoToPlutoNudes

Instead, I highly recommend lying on your roof and masturbating to the moon, which does an endless cycling 29-day striptease for all to see.

Advertisement