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Published July 01, 2011 More Info »
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Published July 01, 2011
There have been many heroes throughout history; some from a fictional world where anything can happen, some from the real world where anything rarely happens, and some from Connecticut. One of my favorites of all time is Batman, the Dark Knight himself. Batman is not only one of the world's greatest martial artists, arguably the world's greatest detective, and the protector of Gotham City, but thanks to his appearances in the Justice League, he has also had a hand in saving the world/universe/multiverse countless times.On the other side of the Red Sea, we have what some believers would call the Savior of the world, the Redeemer of mankind, the King of the Jews, the Son of God, the Messiah, that guy, and sometimes Alex..... Jesus Christ. Some Atheists and non-believers would argue whether or not Jesus even lived, but somehow everyone agrees Dragon Ball GT still exists. Apples and oranges...I saw a post somewhere about who would win in a fight, Batman or Jesus. The winner is clear in this scenario; Jesus is a Quaker. There's no real comparison between who is a better fighter, so I chose to compare the super sleuth and the super jewth by who is the better savior/hero overall. I'll try to be as fair as I can be and give each characteristic I find worthy of the title points from a 1-10 basis and comparing the total at the end.So, here goes; the Battle of the Century: Batman vs. Jesus Christ!Jesus: Gets his father, God to forgive the sins of the world - 10 points Batman: Gets his butler to wash his tights - 3 points Jesus: "Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord. I shall repay." Jesus lets his dad do his fighting for him - 2 points Batman: Vows to take vengeance against all evil doers, so good people don't have to suffer loss like he did - 10 pointsJesus: Willingly gets beaten mercilessly to save the world (that takes some balls) - 7 pointsBatman: Kicks much ass to save the world - 8 points JFK: died in a car - 3 points Jesus: God is his co-pilot - 9 points Batman: a young boy in pixie boots is his co-pilot - 2 points Jesus: Takes the wheel for country singers that also sing about slashing tires and busting headlights with a Louisville Slugger - 5 points Batman: takes four wheels and builds his own car - 7 points Jesus: turned water into wine - 6 pointsBatman: turned a cave into a museum - 5 points Jesus: Told Satan where to shove it - 8 points Batman: used to call his partner "old chum" - 1 point Jesus: Took on many disciples to carry on his work - 7 points Batman: Took on many disciples to carry on his work - ....... 8 points Jesus: saved a prostitute from being stoned - 4 points Batman: saves a multitude of prostitutes nightly - 6 points Jesus: Takes a stab in the dark and accuses Judas of betrayal - 10 points (the odds he would be right was astronomical!) Batman: compiles clues, evidence, and educated hypotheses before making accusations - 9 points Jesus: Born from a virgin - 9 points Batman: born from the result of his parents being murdered - 7 points Jesus: possibly had a bitchin' beard - 6 points Batman: had no beard - 3 points Jesus: walked on water and saved Peter from drowning - 8 pointsBatman: did not walk on toxic chemicals to save the Joker - 2 points Jesus: was followed by thousands and thousands of people daily for free food and some quick healing - 7 points Batman: is followed by no one... if they know what's good for 'em - 8 points Jesus: could make a blind man see - 7 points Batman: made this man go blind... See? - 6 points Jesus: befriended sinners - 5 points Batman: beats up lawbreakers - 5 points Jesus: died and came back - 10 points Batman: Superman is his b*tch - 10 points Jesus: Was sickly and unsightly, then eventually was unrecognizable as a man; tortured by Roman soldiers and spat on by Jewish Pharisees. After all was said and done, he died a virgin. - 2 points Batman: Banged Catwoman, Talia al Ghul, Silver St. Cloud, Jezebel Jet, Vicky Vale, and thousands of other hard-bodied supermodels - 385,546,745 points. Oooooooh, (inhales through teeth), sorry Jesus. One thing you have to know about the hero is that he always gets the girl.
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