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December 10, 2014
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Joaquin Phoenix Starting to Get Notorious For Lame Letterman Appearances

Joaquin Phoenix is one of America’s finest actors. P.T. Anderson and him are like the Jordan and Pippen (alt. Phil Jackson and Jordan) of movies. That’s the highest compliment one can give. But man, Phoenix is a real lame-o when he gets interviewed by David Letterman. I mean I get it, Letterman is the best there ever was, so he’s intimidating. And I admit I would probably freak out and compulsively screech a few offensive slurs or something out of nervousness if I got interviewed by him. Phoenix goes a different direction, though.

The actor appeared on Letterman a few nights ago and told a manic and elaborate story about how he fell in love with his yoga teacher, proposed to her, and now he is engaged to be married.

Then the next morning he goes on the way less funny (and less intimidating, I guess) Good Morning America and admits he made it up and he’s not engaged? Because his life is boring?

It’s just a lame thing to do. Stop doing this stuff, Joaquin!

He is right about people loving when folks are getting married, though. Crowds give ovations to complete strangers if they announce they are getting married. Probably because deep in our hearts we want a version of true love to exist that is unquestionable, simple, and pure. And that version can only really exist in abstract, fleeting glances because once you learn details, up close and personal, “true love” becomes a tangled mess that requires faith and patience and all the qualities that it takes effort to retain as a person in a complicated world where a million shades of gray exist up close when you can only see black and white from afar.

And here’s that awkward-ass clip from when Phoenix was on Letterman and he was being a rude dude with a ‘tude:

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