Now I’m excited again, in a big way. After making some short films earlier in the year, and doing some writing, I feel a little bit more confident in myself again. Part of it was the self beating that my first real feature film gave my ego, especially on the self reflection angle. I’m not really affected by people saying “You suck!”, no matter what the project. I don’t like or hate something I made based on how other people feel about it; I’m only concerned with how I feel about it. I don’t measure myself against other people, only myself and my own goals and interests.
When another local filmmaker recently dick-measured themselves versus my material, and basically were saying they were so much better than me. I was not pleased. A friend misinterpreted how I felt and told me to “Use that! Go out make your next movie and kick their ass!!!!” and all I could think was (And unfortunately I also said this out loud), WHAT A STUPID REASON TO MAKE A MOVIE. I am not motivated by interpersonal rivalries or comparisons to other filmmakers. Making movies is NOT a competition or a race. This whole analogy that film is akin to sports makes me nauseous. I make movies to tell stories. My only successes and failures, along with comparisons are to myself and my other work. I can’t put myself on any kind of scale with another filmmaker. My personal philosophy truly is that there is NO SUCH THING AS BETTER OR WORSE; ONLY DIFFERENCES.
What motivates me is the need (not desire) to tell a particular story. If I have something to say, I say it with the moving pictures and the sound along with it. It’s an expression about whatever the story and characters mean to me and some kind of sociological metaphor or slice of humanity that tickles my fancy. When I make a movie to try to prove that I can do this or that to some other filmmaker or to win a popularity contest, I’ll shoot myself in the head.
Now what gets confusing is that I have had to learn to keep my mouth shut about my honest assessments of other people’s work, unless it’s praise. I’m much more silent now about that kind of stuff, but I guess some people are ultra sensitive about their own material. Go figure. I’m a lot less interested in other people’s projects at this point anyway. My life has changed significantly in the last 2 years and where I am at and what interests me has invariably changed.
CHANNEL 17, a local digital only TV station has switched over from being a HOME SHOPPING NETWORK to original programming. They are filling a much needed void of locally created content. My old boss Mike Tavares does some freelance shooting and editing for them. A few months ago, they told him about how they were interested in local content and he told them about me, my short films and even HORRORS OF WAR. He gave them some DVD’s and that started them looking at the local film scene as a whole. Ironically, local yahoos want to (yet again) take credit for something they didn’t start but I really don’t care. All I want is my material to be on TV again. It can only help with exposure to an audience that otherwise would not see it. There is also a credibility issue that good work being seen on a TV station helps create. If potential investors see your work broadcast or know that it is being shown, then you are being validated by someone other than your mommy and daddy and the cast and crew. Step aside pretend filmmakers, the real ones are going to utilize the opportunity, then parlay it to mean something.
Sonnyboo.com is going to sponsor the show and the :30 Sonnyboo spot will play on the CHANNEL 17 network soon. With enough (good) new programming, WDEM CHANNEL 17 might get picked up by cable operators and then the exposure goes up exponentially. Since Columbus is illegally withholding any kind of Public Access television, this is a way to get material seen, and in this case, the station will filter out the sub-par, unwatchable crap from many of the weekend camcorder wannabes.
Next month I am shooting something special to me. Finally, I get to shoot something with the RED ONE camera. That will be freakin’ sweet. That means an upgrade to Adobe CS4 just to be able to handle the RED footage from the CF (Compact Flash) cards. I think THIS will continue my growth as a filmmaker and be another huge stepping stone in the career path. RELATIONSHIP CARD helped, and I am very proud of the piece, but this is taking another deep stab at something more professional and clawing my way towards another feature film.
Rehearsals start this week for the new project. The juices are flowing. Time to take another bite out of life and see what’s left.