In a serious interview and not a joke interview, Caitlyn Jenner, who is a trans woman, said she thinks that presidential candidate Ted Cruz “was nice” and that if he were to be elected, she would like to be his trans ambassador.

I have all my girls on a trans issues board to advise him on making decisions when it comes to trans issues. Isn’t that a good idea?

— Caitlyn Jenner, about Ted Cruz

In kindergarten and a brain storming session, there is no such thing as a bad idea. But, this was an interview and Jenner is 66 years old, so I have no issue with saying, “hey Caitlyn, that’s a terrible idea.” I’ll also share my dumb idea, which is that I’d love knives for fingers. Doesn’t that seem very cool but also potentially impossible and poorly thought out?

And let me clarify, these ideas are not stupid because there shouldn’t be a trans advisory board to our nation’s leader or that knife-digits couldn’t be an ingenious way to garden, eat and open packages more efficiently. What’s stupid about Jenner’s idea is that there’s no way Ted Cruz would have a trans ambassador and what’s idiotic about my idea is that – okay well there are thousands of reasons my idea is stupid.

Let’s take a look at Cruz’swebsite. Here’s what he thinks about marriage:

Screen Shot 2016-03-03 at 3.18.06 PM.png

Hokay! Ted Cruz mustn’t know too much about Ancient Greece and how gay it was, but sure, strengthen societies blah blah millennia blah blah!

Not only is Cruz against gay marriage, the advisory boards he does keep around think that gays should be executed. But perhaps Jenner and her group of gal pals can stay alive long enough to even start explaining trans rights to these political bridge trolls. (Now of course there is a difference between trans people and gay people but I wouldn’t bank on Cruz and his cronies splitting hairs on those terms.)

(Cruz’s website says nothing about knives for hands.)

But even then, Ted Cruz has made clear how he feels about trans people and bathroom usage. He believes supporting students who want to use the bathroom of the gender they identify with (that may be different from their assigned sex at birth) is “lunacy!”

(Again, I searched the whole damn website for his stance on knife-hand rights, couldn’t find anything. Maybe my idea if even stupider than Jenner’s?)

However, in the event that Caitlyn Jenner and her band of trans babes are not physically hurt (which is a terrifying reality many trans people face) (also, I would not use my knife hands to hurt her. That I promise you) by Ted Cruz’s cabinet AND he’s even elected president AND he agrees to meet with her, he fundamentally believes she’s a lunatic.

And maybe she is a lunatic not because she’s a trans woman (duh) but because she thinks Ted Cruz is a worthwhile candidate and how can a candidate EVEN be worthwhile if he has no stance condemning or ever ACKNOWLEDGING knife hands?!

Advertisement
Advertisement