Corporate parties are filled with dull, half-hearted small talk. Make sure to avoid these brain numbingly boring conversations at your next company event. And while you’re at it, put down that tired old beer and grab an Espresso Martini!
“How’s The Johnson Account?”
If co-workers start discussing the Johnson account, let them know work-talk doesn’t equal party-talk by pouring them an Espresso Martini, and challenging everyone to a game of Stick It To The Boss. That’s where you see how many post-it notes you can surreptitiously stick to your boss without him noticing.
“Catch The Big Game Last Night?”
Don’t let generic sports talk dominate the party. Pour the office jocks a round of Espresso Martinis, and follow that up with a round of Office Mini Golf. Turn an empty glass on its side to be the hole, a rubber band ball works surprisingly well as a golf ball. And for your putter? Just connect a bunch of white board markers together.
“Should We Order More Staples?”
When the conversation centers around reordering office supplies, take your significant other and two Espresso Martinis into the supply closet to… do some… inventory…
“Traffic Is Just The Worst!”
When your officemates start comparing their commutes, challenge them to an inter-office commuting race. That’s when you hold an Espresso Martini in your hand and race from the kitchen to reception. Fastest time wins, but if you spill your drink, even a little bit, you’re immediately disqualified.
“How About This Weather?”
Next time the conversation turns to weather, pour the entire HR department a round of Espresso Martinis, find Janet’s secret stash of paper clips and then stand up on a chair and “make it rain.”
“Spreadsheets, Am I Right?”
When the conversation turns to spreadsheets, take a sip of your Espresso Martini and suggest a game of musical desks. That’s where you take down all the personal photos on one random desk and put them up on another before the music stops. First one out has to sing their discussion points at Tuesday’s team meeting.
“How Did You End Up Here?”
When co-workers start talking about their previous jobs, remind everyone not to live in the past with a round of Espresso Martinis. Then see how many people you can convince your previous job was as a professional wrestler.
“I Have a Kid and I Don’t Shut Up About Him.”
What’s more boring than a child’s violin recital? Hearing about it, second hand, at a company party. So have yourself an Espresso Martini – they don’t serve those at children’s violin recitals.
“Has Anybody Tried That New Sandwich Place?”
If discussing the best lunch places near the office lasts longer than 5 minutes, you’ve gotta stage a tiny rebellion and propose a game of Resume Roulette. Everyone pulls up their resumes and whoever has updated theirs most recently loses – meaning they have to run to the store when the Kahlúa runs out! (Drink responsibly and take a cab!)
Illustration By Kevin Alvir