Full Credits

Stats & Data

2Funny
0Die
132
Views
April 09, 2015
Published
Description

New music site to rival Jay-Z's Tidal

2Pac Hologram and Selena Hologram Team to Launch Streaming Music Site.

The holograms of 2Pac and Tejano music star Selena have formally announced their plans today to launch a high-quality music streaming site named Astral.

The service will provide fans with an opportunity to hear the catalog of both Selena and 2Pac the way it was intended: with the holographic artists not getting ripped off in the afterlife.

“We’re still on that grind y'all. Death is not an obstacle, it’s a motherf***ing opportunity,” said 2Pac’s hologram at a industry luncheon hosted by the Worldwide Hologram Organizers Recording Empire. “We about to get paid up in this bitch and if we don’t, I’ll be showing up in some motherf***kers dreams and I’m gonna haunt the s***t of them ‘til they sign up for the premium plan which includes zero-haunting.”

Astral is a huge opportunity for all holographic artists to take back control of the music and for their fans to hear all of our biggest hits in their purest form,” said Selena Quintanilla-Pérez.“And it’s a chance for us to capitalize on this opportunity that death has given us.”

“We’re in the process of reaching out to some other ill motherf***ers, too,” said 2Pac. “Like we tried hitting up the holograms of the Rolling Stones but they actually still alive and s**t. I was surprised as f**k.”

Astral launches April 22, 2015. Some of the main features at launch include:

• High-quality Uncompressed Music
• Free Afterlife Mixes from Your Favorite Dead Musicians
• Personalized Messages from Musicians
• Almost No Haunting
• Fresh Tracks from Dead Musicians—more are being added everyday
• No Free Version
• Zero Interference from Record Companies.
• Terrifying Occasional Visions and Unease Caused by Hologramic Likenesses.

Advertisement