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404Funny
954Die
61,361
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May 03, 2016
Published
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Try to decipher these vague status updates!

Greetings, sleuths. My name is Fitzwilliam S. Fudrucker and I’m a Facebook detective. I scour the ‘book for hints and clues to solve the mysteries raised by the vague, unspecific posts of your friends, family, and barely tolerated acquaintances.

Today you’ve been enlisted by ME and my colleagues Scotland “Internet” Yard to solve some of the top head-scratchers of Zuckerberg’s domain. Care to take a crack and see if you’re a Sherlock “Internet” Holmes or a Susan “Internet” Grafton? I’ll be puffing my pipe and sipping on hot yummy tea while you sort through this jolly mess. Good luck, and be careful!


Someone you met at a networking event posted a picture from a pristine beach. Do you take this to mean:
Joan and Andy, a couple you know from high school who went “all the way” (got married) just posted a picture “In May...we’re going to be three.” Is the third party they are referring to:
A friend from an improv class just posted the words “I got the part!” What is the part?
Ah--a classic mystery. A friend posted a selfie from Kings County hospital with the caption, “Better now but still not out of the woods.” Here are your clues:
  • This friend posted a picture of themselves finishing a half-marathon the weekend prior
  • This friend has a minor shellfish allergy
  • The name of this friend’s childhood rabbit was Casserole
Why is your friend in the hospital?
Three different friends have posted “Congrats!” on your burnout cousin Tevin’s wall. The friends are from totally different arenas of Tevin’s life:
  • Fred Samper is from his ultimate frisbee team
  • Kelly Dingle is from the Potbelly where he works
  • Steve O. is from the television show Jackass
What are they congratulating Tevin for?


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