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October 10, 2010

originally blogged in March of 2008

Today, I have ZlataThoughts on men, women and the cultivation of their relationships. For this Thought, I don't necessarily mean a boyfriend/girlfriend committed relationship, but simply one of any kind. Ok, let's begin.
Do you remember when you were younger, let's say around 15 or so, and you started hooking up? I think back then it was a little easier to move slowly, since going from base to base was a pretty big deal. Your answer to "How far did you guys get?" changed every two weeks or so, until you got to 'sloppy third'. That's where you stayed for a while -- well, at least in my group of HS friends. The point is, being that age and hooking up vs. being 26-years-old and hooking up, is a whole different ballgame, with a complete different set of rules.
I was discussing this with a client of mine here in Miami whilst we were out to dinner. She was telling me about this new man in her life, yadda yadda -- and we got into a discussion about expectations from the opposite sex - and what it means if you give into them.
Sure, it's pretty much a given that if you share the same bed with someone, you're probably going to get it on. Of course, this doesn't go for EVERYONE, but the majority of those I polled agreed that there will be physical involvement of some kind. Now, how far that physical contact goes is where we enter a little gray area of life.
As I said, when you were younger, it was easier to say "no" maybe because you weren't ready to do that or maybe because it was almost dinner and you had to get home to your parents. Regardless, saying "no" at this age is just a little bit different, since you're probably no longer a virgin. For one, you don't want your partner to think you're a prude for not letting him south of the border (I'm not even talking about sex right now) and for two - what happens if you do let him? Where is all the fun and anticipation for the next time around? But women often think that if they don't give in, the man won't be interested in a second time around because it's not "fun for them." Ladies, we couldn't be more wrong. I've talked to many - a-guy friend about this and for them, it's the built up anticipation that makes it all the more interesting. Men like to pursue. It's a fact. They like the chase, no matter what they say. Think of the Neanderthals for just a moment. Would these cavemen have felt a sense of accomplishment if their hunting prey just happened to put itself over a sticks-rubbed-together-produced fire? I doubt it.
So many women do things backwards nowadays - and I'm not even taking myself out of this. I have been guilty of backwards dating. You meet a guy, hook up, and THEN want to be taken out on a date? I mean, what's the thrill of the chase now? What incentive does he really have in dating you? A man should fall for YOU - as defined by your personality, good looks and witty sense of humor -- not so much how you are in bed and only THEN scope out the aforementioned.
Then again, I know plenty of relationships, successful at that, that've started this very way. ..and it's no secret that I'm single, so what do I know, really?